Dangerous

Each thought drives the knife a little deeper into her heart.

-Observer

Lit Nights

I missed home yesterday.

I missed home while the bursting crackers sang a loud lullaby,

And the skies lit up in blazing glory
I still missed home as the resounding lullaby lulled me
Deeper into the warm, safe grasp of Sleep.

Away

With eyes that are now dry,

And a face that does not look behind,

She raises her head and walks straight,

Ignoring the fact that her voice still shakes a little,

Therein lies strength and true beauty.

Have you?

Have you ever wished for someone..., anyone to just understand?
Have you ever cried desperately into your pillow at nights for them?
Have you lain awake and wondered what would it be like?
Has your heart broken into a million pieces when you find out that fairy tales and love don't exist?
Have you then screamed a silent scream of a broken soul, forever?
Have you then heard just silence as reply?
Have you then prayed for an end to this misery?
Have you then, closed your eyes and asked to be let free?

Growing up and Moving on

This year has been, well, simply put, overwhelming. Overwhelming because of the things I've experienced, learnt, felt and done. Especially the past few months. I have felt unconditional love (not what you'd imagine!), excruciating pain, disappointment, happiness and most importantly learnt some major life's lessons. It feels like I was drugged on emotions, the independence I had found, the recklessness, the moment... 

I think, maybe all of us go through this at one point of time or the other. I realize I am not alone in this, so I know it's going to be okay.

Maybe it's all a part of turning 20. It's sort of depressing, if I'm being honest. It's like I'm losing a part of myself, shutting it  off, caging it forever from the world and promising myself that I'll never bring that part of me out again. But then I'm learning to deal with it and in that I find my solace.

The things I've learnt-

> Love is never easy. And if it happens quickly, most of the times, it's not real. There will be an initial high and with time, chances are both of you will start feeling the loss of that high. One of you will always be more committed and expect more, and the other will have priorities elsewhere. That will only breed resentment, disappointment and sadness. Ultimately, you lose hope and just give up. So just wait for it, take it easy and move on.

> Selfless friendship is not real. Your friends will always put themselves before you. Remember they always want you to do well, but not better than them. That's what it ultimately comes down to. It's all a race, a competition, and each one will always want to be first. So don't go the extra mile for them. Do good. Don't be selfish but also don't be selfless. Enjoy the good times with your friends, share your sorrows and joys but don't go that extra mile for anybody.

> Having high expectation out of any situation or a person is never a good idea. Keep your expectations low.

> Be the bigger person. Apologize, and breed good relations. Look at a situation from both sides, and understand. Forgive yourself if it's your fault and apologize to the people involved. Even if it's not your fault, learn to talk it out and apologize for any harm done. It doesn't cost much.

> Your secrets and feelings are yours alone. Don't let anyone put you down, or make you feel inferior for who you are, or what you feel. You, as a human, are entitled to feel whatever you want, to be your own person, to be different. It helps to talk about it, but before you do think if you'll regret telling anyone about how you feel and then tell them.

> In life you'll probably end up doing a lot of stupid things. Things like getting drunk, try and impress someone who's not worth it, flirt with complete strangers, be completely reckless and lose it, and etc and etc. But well, honestly, you won't really regret it (as long as it doesn't end up in violence, or a legal case or anything of the sorts). You learn from them and you move on.

> There will be days in your life when you are at the point of bursting with happiness, days like you're birthdays, the day you achieved something, or won something. Days when the world is all happy for you, and it's all rosy and golden. But, it's all temporary. Do not rely on it too much because this too shall pass.

> Being an individual with your own ideas and thoughts, you will always face criticism. Criticism for your ideas, for your thoughts, for what you say and what you write, criticism from all directions, your friends, family, teachers. Don't let it get to you. Stand strong for what you believe in. Realize that in the end, those who truly love you will support you no matter what. So stand tall with your head high for what you believe in.

> Learn to take everything in stride. And I mean everything. Things that might mean a lot to you today, a few days, weeks, months or years might lose all importance. So don't prioritize them over your own good. If it is, it is. If it isn't, it isn't. So just lay back and look at life with a lazy eye, it helps!

> Let it go. The resentments, disappointments.., let it all go. It's slow poison, harming only you and hindering your own personal growth. Always be the better person, because ultimately it's your integrity that matters most. Think and achieve self-actualization.

I don't know how many of you can relate to it, but I hope you do. And if you do, I hope it helped put things more in perspective for you.

In the end, all I have to say is lead a life you are proud of. Be good. And stay happy.

Cheers!
-Anj

When a Girl Walks Alone...

Let’s see now, I’m guessing a lot of people especially guys will be offended by this. So here’s a disclaimer for clarification.

Disclaimer: The below written material does not apply to all the men or boys. So please don’t get offended. It is neither intended to cause harm nor any offence.

It all starts one fine day..., actually, many a fine days, or rainy days, or sunny days, in fact any sort of day. Imagine a girl going to college from her hostel, both the gates of her hostel and her college campus hardly 10 meters apart. I might commend here the college for its brilliant thinking in making such an arrangement, so as to minimize the danger; a young college girl might face in the outside world. Of course I am not mentioning the prison-like rules followed in the said college which surprisingly apply only to the girls not the boys of the college. Brilliant, right?! I mean why would girls even want to step out of their hostels (Imagine that!) while of course, boys need to have this freedom. Why, you ask? Well as my college would answer, ‘because they are boys, and we are girls’! Of course, that fundamentally justifies that question. And if you are still not satisfied and continue to insist on receiving answers, fair warning well heeded my friend, they hand out suspensions here for free and with alarming regularity.

Anyhow, this is not my point. Where was I now? Yes, one day (the nature of which has already been clarified before), this girl feeling very secure and content in the military security provided for girls in the college went about her classes. Unfortunately she dared to commit a cardinal sin. Horrors! She walked alone in the campus. What could be a greater sin? As it was, it happened. Walking up a crowded stairs to her next class, all she could do was keep a stony face and walk away. Why? Well, don’t you know? Certain boys in that college felt the need to call out to her, make crude comments bordering on vulgarity, sing songs bordering on the uncouth, obscene and distasteful and insist on keeping a one- sided conversation. The cause of which we might never know. Let’s discuss a few plausible reasons. One, have they been so deprived of the company of the opposite gender, that this is a last resort to get any sort of attention from them? Two, it’s often that a man’s insecurity about his own, ahem, sexuality, or lack thereof, projects out as a social disorder, inclined towards exhibiting it as a social inability to behave as the society requires. (I vote for this reason, as the main cause!). Third, they are uneducated, illiterate animals who simply know no better (But honestly, they are studying in a college after all, so this is not possible.) Fourth, well, quite frankly I can go on degrading and insulting this general class of filth but let’s leave all that to your imaginations.

Now, you, as a person reading this might raise certain issues about the morality of the girl, for example, the way she was dressed. Thankfully, by our University norms on dress code, it’s quite impossible to do so- formal Indian clothes (churidars, suits) with a dupatta pinned to your shoulders. After being covered from head to toe in cloth, the question of improper or provoking dress code is out. I am going to deviate here and mention, no matter how a girl is dressed, she is not asking for it, be it a short dress or a Burkha. She’s not asking for it unless she’s standing in the middle of the road, stark naked, screaming, ‘Rape me, rape me or insult me, insult me’.

Coming back to where we left off, what other possible reasons could you raise justifying this behavior?

This is just one of the few, real incidents that happen here every day in this college and others, a few of the lesser evils, rather. Girls here are continuous victims of eve teasing and up to certain extents, of sexual harassment. And don’t you dare tell me that boys will be boys, or it’s just a bit of fun they had. In that case, I will be forced to call your definition of fun at the expense of insulting the opposite gender, as perverted and twisted. It is morally degrading for a girl to be repeatedly cat-called and teased. Forget the moral aspects; it’s about decency and upbringing. To all these filth out there, your mother, your sister must be so proud indeed, to have a son who doesn’t respect them. Fun fact- did you know under Section 294- Singing, reciting or uttering any obscene song, ballad or words, in or near any public place, (https://aamjanata.com/eve-teasing-under-criminal-law/) is punishable with imprisonment or fine, or both. (To all those men getting offended, please read the disclaimer at the beginning). Above all, this happening in an institution of education, where they are supposed to be educated and develop as professionals, irony, that it’s more like developing into professional, male chauvinistic pigs. My  intentions in writing this was to make people aware, in my college especially so, that despite all the precautions they take, these precautions referring to restricting the girls more and more (because apparently, girls are supposed to be docile, not go out and have fun and stay jailed), is hardly having any affect. In fact, it is only succeeding in suppressing the basic rights of the girl. Do you realise, that after completion they will have to go out into the world? Let’s see how that will go, a girl restricted inside a campus gets placed in a metro city. But, wait for it, here’s the showstopper, she is so freaking afraid to step out of where she lives, because well, for four years that’s what she has been taught, restriction! Instead of developing us as individuals this practice is simply suppressing us. This is just pertaining to the how girls are treated and looked upon by the authorities. They will not speak out, unless you listen! So listen, please.

My other, slightly misguided perhaps, intention, was solely for the benefit of those disgusting boys out there who are the truest form of illiteracy. I hope I have hit a nerve or two, or maybe (preferable so!) all of them. You are, simply put, disgusting creatures, insecure in whom they are and lack any basic social skills. If you think, it is cool to go and behave like that, then think again. No girl out there will ever respect you.

I was going to thank the men out there who know how to behave decently, but guess what?! I realized I am writing this to simply bring out the truth, not to satisfy anyone’s ego. I refuse to feel obliged to thank men for behaving like humans. If you do, then well, good for you! You are a human, nothing less or else, is expected.

Disclaimer: The above article was not written to intentionally hurt someone. Any offence caused is well, honestly, not regretted. If you have any comments, suggestions, any discord of opinions, then kindly do not spam or leave disruptive comments. Just mail me all your hate mail, if you have any, and if you don't receive a reply, well, you probably know why. Anyway, cheers!

Giving up.