Thursday, 31 December 2015
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
Friday, 27 November 2015
So many times, I have taken my laptop, opened Word and just stared at the screen, oblivious and clueless. Then I would close the laptop lid and distract myself. Distraction. I had been desperate for it. In some ways, I think I still am. I just 'needed' to not think. And well, it didn't quite work out well.
I have wondered if it was depression. I have gone online and taken countless depression tests which gave me a rather dark review about myself. I have spent hours looking up 'How to be Happy' online and I have..well I thought there would be something else, but I guess not! Oh wait, I have lost weight! A bit too much perhaps.
But I have learned,by God, I have learnt. And I am grateful for that.
It is all a part of life. I realized if we didn't really go through all the hard times, we would never appreciate the good, we would never appreciate life. Because this is life. And to experience life, is what we are here for. So that's what it is. Experience.
What I want is a life colored with emotions, brimming over with them, a life without any regrets, I want to experience it all, everything. I want to be able to live a full life. That is what I want.
Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Wednesday, 11 November 2015
I still missed home as the resounding lullaby lulled me
Deeper into the warm, safe grasp of Sleep.
Monday, 9 November 2015
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Have you ever cried desperately into your pillow at nights for them?
Have you lain awake and wondered what would it be like?
Has your heart broken into a million pieces when you find out that fairy tales and love don't exist?
Have you then screamed a silent scream of a broken soul, forever?
Have you then heard just silence as reply?
Have you then prayed for an end to this misery?
Have you then, closed your eyes and asked to be let free?
Sunday, 16 August 2015
Wednesday, 22 July 2015
Saturday, 13 June 2015
Wednesday, 3 June 2015
The rolling mountains spread out and the sunset between them was a burst of brilliant colours. Mesmerising to look at. The cool wind threw its own occasional and frequent tantrums which made the thundering clouds roll closer. I could sit here forever, I thought, trapped in this moment of time, and be blissfully happy, not wanting anything. I want time to stop, the feeling so strong, that it made me almost choke and then look up quickly and around to see if anyone had noticed. No one had. Everyone was lost in their own world, sitting here, just like me to escape from the world for a few moments. We are all heroes of our lives, the main characters, the protagonists. We are all concerned with our lives, our dreams, our hopes, our sadness. But sitting here, sharing this moment with other lonely souls, it didn't feel like it was my life I was living. I wasn't the main character anymore, it didn't matter anymore what I did or thought, it all seemed so mundane, pointless in the bigger picture. I didn't like it, this feeling. It made me feel as though someone took an important part of me or rather my role and told me that its not important, that your actions and thoughts are not everything, that you aren't the main character. And that made me feel sad, because its the truth isn't it?! Even though I hated feeling this way, I couldn't not accept it.
We are all selfish. Its natural. We all have ideals and a certain way of living our lives that we think is right. In the end, does it matter?
Our problems seem so meaningless, but I don't want it to seem that way. Some would say, they are not meaningless, that they matter. Maybe. Maybe not. Right now it seems pointless. Right now, all I am left with is a hope of living a life without regrets, a life of travel, a life of adventure, a life of extremes of emotions, a life of happiness, ..., a full life.
Sunday, 17 May 2015
When you have friends who readily "throw you to the wolves" (so to speak), you are perhaps better off with your foes. At least that way you are aware of their real intentions.
And this I honestly say from recent experience(s). Its the little things, when you are together, them not taking any responsibility, them letting you take all the blame, them not standing up for you when it counts, them using you as a stepping stone for their personal gains...the small things that one has learnt to notice, the minute details about the way someone behave with you and around others that tell you about that person.
Oh well, writing this down after going through a particularly disappointing experience is a release, and I apologise for sounding so bitter. But I am, feeling this way right now. Disappointed. Betrayed, perhaps. And sad.
But as it turns out, you chose your happiness. So I refuse to let this affect me. I shall be true to myself and try to do my best, regardless of anyone standing by me, even if it is their duty to do so.
And because of that, I will stand with my head held high and proud.
Sunday, 12 April 2015
12th April, 2015
Loving hurts. So I'll stop now and move on with my life.
Perhaps, it was never meant to be. Just a lesson in my life. Maybe it will be someone else, someday. Or maybe it will be no one. Either way, I will live and I will be happy, even if I have to do so alone.
~Words from the torn page of a secret diary
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
Be the support you have to be for others. Help them. Have them lean on you.
But be your own woman. They might not be here when you need them for the same and do not expect them to be either.
You have yourself. You don't need anyone else. Be your own strength. Support yourself. Stay happy.
Friday, 13 March 2015
In the story of our lives, we are all our own heroes and everyone else merely supporting actors and actresses.
Humans are inherently selfish. We all want what we want. Its a tragic thought, isn't it. Makes one wonder, who will remain when we need them the most.
Oh..., what wouldn't I give to know that I have that one person who will always be there!
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
Sunday, 8 March 2015
When they ask you what's wrong, put a smile on your face, look at them ask them what they mean. Say you're fine and then make a joke or change the topic.
Saturday, 7 March 2015
You make your own happiness. You don't have to depend on others for it. It is your life. You have to make of it what you will. For you only get one chance at this life.
Monday, 16 February 2015
|Pic Courtesy (Click Here!)|
Saturday, 14 February 2015
Tuesday, 10 February 2015
The idea had been swirling in mind for quite some time now. I sit here now, to pen down(or rather type down!) this young seed, listening to beautiful duet between the piano and the violin of Chopin's Ave Maria.
I'd like to think that life has been good to me. The thought scares me, is there worse to come? I've been blessed in all that I have, wonderful and loving parents, a cool brother, and people I can call friends. Don't get me wrong! I'm not writing this after passing a particularly happy day of my life, in-fact, it makes me proud to say that I can still write this even while going through some of the worst days of my life. I do have a ton of worries to stress about, just like everyone else; I am after all still a nineteen year old girl trying to decipher life and her purpose in life. Okay, that just made me sound too...philosophical?...old?...a bumptious, overbearing, officious person who thinks too much and uses extravagant words and phrases to describe something mundane?
Oh well! We are humans, and that fact accords us the benefit of freedom of thought. There's nothing I can do about it!(Freedom of Speech, Thought, Opinions- Kudos to you if you support it! I already like you!)*Freedom of the Mind*
Just like everyone else, I think of myself (to each his own folks, you are the hero of your life) as the protagonist of my life. Maybe an oddball protagonist, born some years ahead of her time. I live in India, and having such open views on controversial and ignored topics like, rights of women(Yes, I am a feminist!), religion, marriage and authority, I assure you, based on personal experience can be a demotivating and harrowing experience. I have started to lose faith in humanity. “Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”- Leonardo Da Vinci. But, hope springs eternal (story of my life!).
|Pic Courtesy: Click Here!|
Coming to the end, and the highlight of this long narrative.
These pages mean a lot to me, form essentially a part of my thoughts; it’s a part of being who I am. In these pages, I hope to find meaning and make sense of the turmoil I live amidst at the same time. And to help someone, perhaps in my own my little way, bring changes in their lives, influence them in some of the millions of little ways possible. To make a little difference in someone's life!
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
25 DECEMBER 2014, 22:51
My mom handed me the glass of warm water to drink. It was 3 degrees outside and I was wrapped in three layers of clothing and sitting in front of the heater. She said something in the authoritative tone that mothers assume when commanding their will to be done, something I paid the least bit of perfunctory attention to. I took one sip and put it right back on the table. And the next thing I knew, there was spilt water everywhere. And then the scolding..."I told you not to put it back on the table...I was going to put my head down for a bit" I stared silently at the mini tsunami drenching the dining table and the south side. "I knew this would happen", as always mothers were always right, somehow they always seemed blessed with this extra sense of being able to say 'i told you so!'. I was still staring silently...trying to make sense...until suddenly I burst out laughing...not the subtle, lilting or even graceful laugh of a lady's, but a full blown laugh with tears streaming down my face. I laughed so hard that my dear mother, so bent on driving the "I told you so" point home, faltered in her endeavour, and tried unsuccessfully to hide the smile blooming across her face. In a last attempt at maintaining some sense of authority she hurried to fetch a cloth to wipe the semi disaster area. I didn't know when my tears of laughter changed, changed to those of crying. In hindsight, I'm tempted to label them traitorous. I couldn't control it. I took the momentary absence of anyone near enough to notice the sudden change and escaped to my room, where I let them flow freely. Heavy sobs wracked my body, as I put a hand over my mouth to not be heard. I didn't understand why. Have I been so unsatisfied with my life? Or is it this feeling of standing up alone in this world, that made me cry so wantonly, with so much abandon. But as always, one thing remained the same, I was alone when it happened, during it and afterwards. And that is what should make the difference.