Sunday, 5 March 2017

The Little Things in Life

If you really think about it, there are so many things that could cheer you up, little things, accidental things, stumbling upon an unexpected circumstance, immeasurable, momentary, ephemeral...
Imagine a lousy day, you've been stressed out and overloaded with work, nothing is going the way you want, yes, you know, that kind of a day, what makes you feel good? What makes you feel a little bit better? What makes you happy?

I have thought about it a lot during the past few days, and have deliberated my actions towards those things which make me happy after a lousy day, and trust me, it has helped me feel at least a little bit better.

1. Writing down what I am grateful for. If things are not looking up, and life at that moment seems impossible, I try and remember all the things I am fortunate to have. No, it doesn't always work, but it helps. I also have daily reminders set before I end the day reminding me to be grateful for at least one thing. Every day at 10 pm sharp, my phone pings and reminds me to sleep with a grateful heart.

2. Pizza/ Choco Lava Cake/ French fries. Yes, you heard me right. Eating junk food makes me happy. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it does and it will remain on the top of my lists and I am not ashamed to admit it.


3. Helping a random stranger/ or even a friend, without expecting anything in return. If the world has been especially cruel to you, and no matter how many times you have tried, life just doesn't seem fair, well, what better way to make the world a better place than to lend a hand unconditionally to someone.

4. Thinking of those dear souls who love you and take time out of their day for you. Be it your family or friends, there is someone in the world who cares about you, and you my friend are lucky to have them. Thinking about them makes my heart fill with joy. Be it those crazy friends of yours who take the day to spend time with you, fall asleep during your night movie sessions, come to see you off, send you daily reminders of how loved you are, inspire you to take one more step, or that family of yours, who even though you fight with on a regular basis, you always keep going back to them. Maybe spend some time with them.

5. Treat yourself. Spend a day pampering yourself, Take yourself out on a date, keep those phones away (except to make reservation at that restaurant you always wanted to try out or at that new spa), read a book, pursue a hobby, go trekking, travel, cook, buy some flowers, go crazy dancing or singing, lose yourself in the pursuit of whatever it is you love to do.

6. Connect with your old friends. I admit it, I am a very bad friend when it comes to keeping in touch, I'm horrible at it. So if any of you are reading this (you know who you are), I am sorry. I love the fact that I can call you guys and we can start off as if we never stopped talking. Those precious gems in your life!

7. Clean and organize. I don't know what is it about organizing and going on a cleaning spree that cheers you up. It helps me think clearly, get a better hold on life.

8. Get your perspective right. Write down your goals. Write down how you are going to achieve it, make steps, divide, work on each step, one at a time, tick them off on your list, put milestones, and celebrate when you achieve them.

9. Exercise and yoga.  Burn out all that stress and worry you have been holding up, If you're mad, take it out on that jog and run an extra mile. Or take deep breaths as you take control over your body,

10. Pray. When in doubt, when you feel hopeless, when things haven't looked up for ages, when you feel alone, kneel and pray. Let all your emotions drain and surrender. Perhaps you don't believe in God, and that's okay too. Even if you don't, send a little prayer out into the universe and hope to be heard, you never know if you'll get to hear something back.

11. Cry. Personally, I have never been a big fan of letting people know I cry. But that doesn't mean I never cry. I do. A lot, actually. Just not in front of people. Favorite places include a washroom cubicle, my bed at night or any place where I can be alone until I get a better hold over my amuck emotions. Cry as much as you want, for as long as you want, it is a natural event. And after you're done, promise yourself you will not cry for the same reason. You might not always keep those promises, but it's worth a sincere effort too.

12. Communication can solve a lot of issues. Talk to people. If it's a particular person that has caused you to stress out, be upset or angry, talk to them. Be polite but effective. If it doesn't make a difference, you tried, but if it does, way to go! If you can't talk to that person or if it's an unfortunate circumstance in your life, talk to someone you love, someone you trust, someone who can tell you what to do (if there is a need), someone who can hold you up and support you when you need them, your best friend, you significant other, your family.

13. Do something about your problem. Take a step back, look at your problem, then solve it. If you don't think you can, ask for help. Find out how to tackle it and then do it. Take action. There's a solution to every problem, it's something I firmly believe in.

14. Look up at the stars. Yes. If I am unhappy and I am outside, I look up at the stars. It makes me feel better. Maybe it's the vastness of the universe and realizing how insignificant I am, or maybe it's just the beauty of it, but it helps.

Image Courtesy


This is life. It will have it's ups and downs, and it's up to you to decide what you do during those times. Take only the good from the bad  (more difficult than it's sounds). Be happy.

-Anjana


Sunday, 12 February 2017

The little kid at the airport

Little dark eyes looked up
A wave, and in return a shy smile
Shyness won
Mother's cloth protects against all.
A curious glance, then a shy smile
My heart grew distracted more
Little nothings passed between us
Then they walked away,
The little boy, family, bags and all
To an unknown design.

Monday, 30 January 2017

The January Santa

Past midnight she came, darkness providing refuge,
The stairs grumbled and sighed in protest.
Now the stocking hung, she wistfully watched
The dying embers take their last breaths.
Death called out like a panacea, however,
Reconciliation lay in Time's hand alone.
With morning came, excited voices 
And the pitter patter of little feet.
The stocking discovered, dolls and cars and trains
Held tightly in each little hand.
Unnoticed and unobserved, the little girl held
The discarded stocking close to her little heart.

Sunday, 8 January 2017

By the Window

Sitting by the window seat, the sun shining on my face, I wanted to tell someone how the clouds reminded me of cotton, of perhaps what heaven looked like, of how I wished I could jump from one to another, of what I dreamed and thought about. I wanted to explain how the light shining down on me made me feel different, special, how that one cloud looked like Dory from Finding Nemo, how whenever I travel I play out the scenario of a plane crash in my head, how I've felt the last few days, my hopes for the next few days, my inhibitions and worries, how my heart is breaking and no-one knows.

Sitting by the window seat, I also realised that I had noone to tell them to.

Saturday, 31 December 2016

Blessed

"We're born with millions of little lights shining in the dark
And they show us the way
One lights up every time you feel love in your heart
One dies when it moves away"
- Passenger (All the little lights)

This has been a long time coming. I haven't written for a long time, so well, let's start with something positive. Something happy to signify the end of the dark times, moments of self doubt and turmoil, and look forward with excitement to what life has ahead.

A huge thank you, to all those people, family, friends and strangers, who've made my day a little better.

A special one to those few wonderful souls out there, who send me something inspirational everyday (and I do mean every single day). You've been the light in many dark times. I cannot thank you enough. And you still do it, every single day, something to get me going. I'm so very grateful that I have you in my life. I can only hope I am the same to you, even if it's just a little bit, I'd like to be little light in your life.

I am blessed to have you all in my life.

Cheers to life of wonderful memories and love!
-Anj

Sunday, 16 October 2016

Locked Away

I found my old blue jeans at the bottom of the trunk while packing. I was almost done.
I could still smell the sea on it. The pockets still had sand in them. Now I remembered why I had kept it away, untouchable...they brought back memories that crashed through me. Memories that I had chosen to suppress. Memories that were just that, long gone, eager to be forgotten, to fade into the mist that some memories eventually blend into, but unfortunately remain to haunt us forever. My hands clutched the fabric, and my eyes grew vacant.

The sun was shining and happiness ruled the air. She kept dancing and prancing around, her little feet eager to explore new territories. Our feet sank into the beach sand, and she pulled at my hand, her feet carrying her forward in excitement.


 There were sand castles around the mat I was  sitting on. She said it was the fortress for her  mummy who was the Queen, and she the little  princess who would protect it.
 She made friends easily. Her feet were slowly  drawn to the water. They stayed in the shallow  waters, collecting shells and throwing water on  each other. ‘An Image of perfect happiness’, I  remember thinking, and settled down in joyful  contentment. They waded a little deeper. A word  of caution was told. They stayed their progress.
 The seagulls screeched high in the air, sunshine  was abundant and the air untroubled.
 It was unexpected, the locals later told us. The enormous wave came without forewarning. The sandcastles were under 3 feet of water, my mat was gone and my eyes were frantic as I screamed for Katy. I saw her getting carried away and then disappear as my legs fought to stand up and swim after her. The locals jumped in too, they told me. I swam after where I had last seen her. Not there.
No...she’s just five. No..Another wave.
I dived in, straining to keep my eyes open against the salty water and the tears, then I came out gasping for air. I dived in again. Nothing. I came up again and looked. There, I could see her dark locks, and I swam.  Hands reached out for the limp body, as I screamed for her to open her eyes. Someone carried us and helped us out.
They said the EMT’s tried their best to revive her and two others. They were sorry; they said that those little feet will never move again.

I quickly put the jeans back inside, as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. The dust mites glistened in the sunlight pouring through the window. I closed the trunk and the vial of memories. Screaming silence remained.

I picked up the luggage and locked the door to it all. And then, I chose to walk away for a new life.

Monday, 15 August 2016

On the Road to Self-discovery: Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

#5

The past couple of weeks were a positive drag, waking up with trepidation and ending the day with tears. The past couple of days were peaceful, with songs, dancing and the joy of privacy. Here is to hope that this streak of peace will continue. Life and its ups and downs (this said with a long sigh). A friend told me recently sighs deserve hugs and long sighs deserve long hugs (J ).


Image Courtesy

The person I am now, I am so much more conscious of the events around me and how they affect me, I am stuck in the realisation of each and every moment. If I am unhappy, I know the cause. If I feel overjoyed, I can pinpoint the exact event that put me on this high. I accept the sadness, admitting consciously that better times will come. And while I am happy, I admit grudgingly hard times may not be so far. Cynical of me, perhaps, but it keeps me grounded. I grow more and more distinctly aware of the selfishness of human nature while accepting this as a fact. I seek to justify the behaviour of others rather than just mine, blaming human nature as its cause.


Perhaps Rabindranath Tagore’s words summarise the initial naiveté of this human nature of ours- “Alas for our foolish nature! Its fond mistakes are persistent. The dictates of reason take a long time to assert their own sway. The surest proofs meanwhile are disbelieved. False hope is clung to with all one’s might and main, till a day comes when it has sucked the heart dry and it forcibly breaks through its bonds and departs. After that comes the misery of awakening, and then once again the longing to get back into the maze of the same mistakes. [An excerpt from 'The Postmaster']
This touched me so strongly that the moment I read it, I could only stare at the screen while my breath quickened. This is the naiveté of humans, but once through, we are not naive anymore. We learn better to guard our heart and trust. I have learnt to accept the people in my life who are good for me and reject those who aren’t. And I am still learning to let go of these people. It’s hard to do, to let go because our hope is persistent in asking the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘second chances’. And we keep giving in. However, we can only learn and grow wiser in our choices of what/ who we chose to keep close to us. But while making these initial wrong choices, we learn so much about who we are, what we want from life and what makes us happy, that the sadness/heartbreak is almost always worth it. I am grateful for them because they set me up on this path to know who I really am, on this path of being comfortable in my own skin and make selfish choices. It showed me to accept my mistakes and wrong choices. It made me question my principles. It made me realise the reality of life, that no matter how much I want to be, I cannot be happy all the time. It made me learn to accept it. In no way have I learned to accept everything, but I am still a work in progress. It made me realise that I am capable of loving too much, but in the end, even though it will take me a long time and a lot of second chances, if it does not make me happy or content, I will always walk away. I will walk away even if it breaks me and then I will take the time to heal and learn to love this life of mine again. It made me realise that before anyone else, I need to grow comfortable in my skin and learn every inch of myself before I decide to make someone an integral part of my life. I have learnt to let go of all the pretensions, stand up for what I believe in and be comfortable being myself. So for now, I will spend some time doing exactly that, learn to know myself first. 


Getting to know yourself can be painful, but always a better choice than living in ignorance. And once we begin, there’s no turning back. I refuse to believe that this is only me, I am sure every 20 something individual is on this road. So I hope someone tells you, that it's okay to be selfish. Love yourself first, you have plenty of time to love someone else. Be kind, and empathise. Find out what you believe in and what makes you happy, then pursue it. Know yourself inside and out. Stand up for the principles you believe in. Live and experience every moment. And be grateful for all the ups and downs. Be content and at peace with yourself and the world. Be happy and lose yourself in it's pursuit.
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