Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Page 2:

ALONE

Forming any sort of emotional attachments has never been my cup of tea. And I do mean never. Somehow, they always seem to end in tears, hurt and pain. Always. It’s not something I can admit easily, rather quite the opposite. It is a sorry condition to be in, quite pathetic actually, and its a veritable hit to my ego to admit it. So as an act of rebelliousness?...arrogance?...or simply self-preservation, I shy away from any sort of emotional attachments. It’s automatic. The moment someone even tries to become close, warning bells go off in my head. And then I end up feeling guilty over not being the kind of person they want me to be.

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I had a friend. Yes, ‘had’ one. He was...amazing! He was someone who would call you, just to make you laugh, would know without you saying a word when you were upset, would guess when silent tears started rolling down your cheeks, ask you your favourite colour and remember it for a lifetime and watch out for you, no matter where you go. He was...everything a girl could ask for and more. And no matter how much he tried, I kept pushing him away, build these walls around my heart, impenetrable and high, that no one could ever or would ever bother taking the effort to jump over. It’s not remorse over losing a prospective admirer, but rather regret over losing a true friend. I suppose that’s all one is left with in the end...Regrets! It’s a heavy burden to carry over, knowing that you are capable of destroying any meaningful relation you could ever have. I have hope though, that these walls still have cracks in them, cracks which I can occasionally get glimpses of when I get hurt, hurt by an action or a word, proof that there is still a beating heart capable of feeling emotions that have been repressed for years. Sometime during these epiphanic revelations, I finally realize something. I realize that out there in the big bad world, I stand completely alone, and that...that is what scares me the most.

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

A Valentine's Day Hope

It hurt too much to think about it. Why is it so upsetting? Why do I let it affect me so much? The questions were a storm in my head, a turmoil of thoughts, possibilities and hopes. It's Valentine's Day. And this is how I feel when my crush hasn't wished me today. It's almost noon now...and he hasn't texted me once. I refuse to text him first on principle. It would make me seem desperate. So I won't. I know it's silly, but I refuse to budge. So all I'm left with is stalking his "last seen" and checking his "status" every now and then. Oh...his last seen was two minutes ago! Okay I have to stop acting like this-a silly, lovesick schoolgirl. I refuse to be stereotyped as one of "those girls". I have work to do anyway, important work, which I should be getting back to.

Ten Minutes later...

Maybe I should text him. He's probably busy with something important. "Ugghhhh....”, I feel so frustrated. He's online too! You know what; I refuse to be so affected because of a guy. He probably thinks he's all Mr. Cool anyway. The jerk! 

Where was I now...yes...I have mails to send!

Thirty Minutes later...

I open my whatsapp, check his 'last seen', close my whatsapp and slam my phone down in frustration. Then I proceed to wince and check my phone for damages. "Phew...", none thankfully.

I have to stop acting like such a pathetic love-sick puppy. When did I become like this? Unbelievable...! Buck up girl! You don't need someone like this.

Three Minutes later...

My phone buzzes. My hand automatically reached for it and opens it. "Ahhhhhhh....", okay it's him! Two messages! Wait...don't open the message, I don't want to seem too eager or desperate. Okay...calm down! Let him see you online for a while; let him think that he is not the priority in your life. That should show him. Hah!

Okay, open it now.

 "Hey"

"Happy Valentine's Day"

Oh my God!!! He is so sweet. A wide grin breaks out over my face and my hand become jelly in an effort to type out a reply. My heart is all warm and fuzzy, just because of a simple text. In some corner of my mind, a very distant, remote corner, I realize how stupid I'm being. But you see..."the heart wants what it wants". And life is all happy, glittery and full of fairy-tale happy endings again!

Author's note:

I personally find the whole episode funny. It's my tribute for Valentine's Day. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! May you find love everlasting!

But on a more serious note, this is what actually happens when a girl has a serious (sorta!) crush. Okay maybe not for all, but this is exactly how I would behave. And yes, girls can be very silly and stupid when it comes to serious crushes (I'm not stereotyping people, exceptions are always there. This is at least how I would behave!).  For my part, I know I can be pretty stupid when it comes to crushes (Don't ask me, I'll never bother telling!). I honestly cannot help it!

So that's one page filled!

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Page 1:
The idea had been swirling in mind for quite some time now. I sit here now, to pen down(or rather type down!) this young seed, listening to beautiful duet between the piano and the violin of Chopin's Ave Maria.


I'd like to think that life has been good to me. The thought scares me, is there worse to come? I've been blessed in all that I have, wonderful and loving parents, a cool brother, and people I can call friends. Don't get me wrong! I'm not writing this after passing a particularly happy day of my life, in-fact, it makes me proud to say that I can still write this even while going through some of the worst days of my life. I do have a ton of worries to stress about, just like everyone else; I am after all still a nineteen year old girl trying to decipher life and her purpose in life. Okay, that just made me sound too...philosophical?...old?...a bumptious, overbearing, officious person who thinks too much and uses extravagant words and phrases to describe something mundane?

Oh well! We are humans, and that fact accords us the benefit of freedom of thought. There's nothing I can do about it!(Freedom of Speech, Thought, Opinions- Kudos to you if you support it! I already like you!)*Freedom of the Mind*

Just like everyone else, I think of myself (to each his own folks, you are the hero of your life) as the protagonist of my life. Maybe an oddball protagonist, born some years ahead of her time. I live in India, and having such open views on controversial and ignored topics like, rights of women(Yes, I am a feminist!), religion, marriage and authority, I assure you, based on personal experience can be a demotivating and harrowing experience. I have started to lose faith in humanity. “Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”- Leonardo Da Vinci. But, hope springs eternal (story of my life!).

Alright, what I'm all about-

I love reading and writing!

Principles, honor, chivalry, gallantry...stand in high regard in front of me.

I am a feminist! (Women's Rights!!! And I refuse to be ashamed or be labelled stereotypes because of my beliefs.) Hater's keep on hating (Maybe I should write a disclaimer?!)

I believe in God, just not in religion.( Do I need a Disclaimer?!) If anyone wants to debate, you are always free to contact me. 

I have strong political and moral views.(Anyone up for a debate?)

My outlook on socially unacceptable topics is controversial, and definitely shouldn't belong to a woman (so I've been told!).

I love dark chocolate and pizzas (Random! I know.)

There's a reason why I don't like watching tragic movies. 

I might...could...maybe...be a hopeless romantic!(I shall never admit that again!)

And the list goes on...

In a nutshell, I'm just like you, or your friend or your enemy, a human! I have feelings just like you do, some likes and dislikes, just like you, but maybe not the same, but that's because we are two different individuals.

So that summarizes it!

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Pages: Diary of a Young Woman is a chronicle of the thoughts, experiences, changes, insecurities, emotions and life of a typical young girl on the verge of adulthood living in India. What affects her, how it affects her, what she goes through from the perspective of a young woman coming to know life (Yep, that's me folks!).

Coming to the end, and the highlight of this long narrative.




These pages mean a lot to me, form essentially a part of my thoughts; it’s a part of being who I am. In these pages, I hope to find meaning and make sense of the turmoil I live amidst at the same time. And to help someone, perhaps in my own my little way, bring changes in their lives, influence them in some of the millions of little ways possible. To make a little difference in someone's life!

A Modern Lovestory

Once upon a time (well..actually now!), there was a boy and a girl. Yes, yes we all know where this is heading. The boy started liking the girl (I know, clichéd!) or wait...is it the other way round?! It was the girl that started liking the boy..., it hardly matters anyway. For days they teased and played around what was obviously becoming more than just friendship. Oh, and the constant teasing of their friends and their insistence on being ‘just friends’, just made it so not obvious! Pretty soon, texts were exchanged, and so were furtive glances. Innocently chatted texts extended late into the night, leaving both the concerned parties bleary eyed, but filled with excitement and anticipation of another night yet to come. And so on and so forth...you know the usual! Well, simply in the interest of the vast patience of the audience, I shall put forth the unexpected climax to the little story (not!).

One fine day, the boy woke up with eyes that shone of love never ending, a fist of determination in his heart, a crazy light in his eye and of course his heart in his throat...uhh...I mean his heart in his hands and lifted his phone. And the proposal followed. Unexpected right?! On the other end of this signal that transferred from the phone we have the girl, who promptly opened the text. This action was followed by a lot of excited squeals, giggles from somehow more than one girl?!! A quick emergency discussion, a lot of shushing and whispering later, four girls sat down to type...’Yes’.

And now...? Oh they are living a life of bliss, or so I've been told. We unfortunately, live in a place where talking late into the night over the phone is considered dating. Meeting face to face? Oh that’s just so....overrated!  God forbid they meet! Horrors!! What would they say to each other?! But of course talking over the phone is way easier.

And then my friends, they lived happily ever after (well presently they are, that is until their parents find out or ahem...other such forces of nature!).

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Disclaimer:

The above story was written simply for entertainment purposes and not intended to cause harm or offense to anyone. The characters in the story are purely fictional and not based on any real life character (Well...basically it’s the story of the Indian youth, so...<no comments>). Any offense caused is severely regretted.

Peace!

*The story was written on the request of a friend. Well, the friend actually asked me to write a love story but I find myself incapable of writing about love without being cynical or sarcastic. So, dear audience (or the lack thereof!) and friend, you will have to make do with this. Cheers!

Also, it behooves me to mention that yes... I broke my New Year resolution of writing my blog at least two times a week on the very first week of this year. Part of it was my fault, while the other part I honestly do blame my hectic schedule and some personal issues for that. Anyhow, it’s another one of my lessons learnt! Prioritize and manage! I can’t completely not take the blame either (Confusing sentence right!).  Anyhow, hope springs eternal, so I shall persevere in my endurance to stick to my already broken new year’s resolution.

Having said that, it's the season of love everyone. For all those couples out there, have the best time of your life you all! And if you are single like me, well folks, there's always next year! I'm kidding! We need single people in this world, or imagine how boring it would be. You guys rock!

Cheerio!