An Excerpt

If I had wings, I would be someone who's forgotten how to fly.
But forgetting can be remedied, I just have to remember how.

The Weekend Getaway

Having finally made up my mind to get at least one thing on my bucket list, while I was still a dependent student, I finally took one to Mysore, during my internship at Bangalore. A small trip, nevertheless baby steps to hopefully something greater. J

The initial plan of taking a train to Mysore completely flopped, it resulted in me standing in quite a bit of awe at the number of people standing outside the Bangalore Railway station at 5:30 am to get a general ticket. I learnt that the reserved compartment ticket counter does not open until 8 am (sighing-I should have booked it online earlier, but no, I wanted to get the experience of booking a ticket just before the journey).

So that resulted in me looking around for a bus to Mysore from Bangalore. Thankfully, previous research helped. I took a bus from Kempegowda Bus Stand to Satellite Bus Stand, which is about a 5-10 minute journey (witnessed a speeding bus hit a bike at a crossroad), and from this bus stand, took a bus to Mysore(they have regular buses from here to Mysore).

The journey was pleasant enough, I was drowsy owing to the early morning waking up (3 am, I kid you not). Soon enough, the half empty bus, filled to capacity, and a man in his late forties sat beside me. Drowsy me chose to ignore everyone until we reached the mid-way point and stopped for tea. Then, I just couldn’t sleep. Soon enough I found an enthusiastic talker in the man, and having received his opinion on how I should proceed, what I should do and what I should never buy (scarves are over-priced in Mysore, he told me), I thanked him for his kind suggestions, he disembarked one stop before me, while I got off on the next.

Google Maps is a life saver, I must admit, and within a 5-minute walk, I was at my booked hostel. A charming, old building, wonderfully placed in a nook, with its own quirks, made me wish I wasn’t just here for one night. It’s a backpacker’s hostel called, The Mansion, 1907, situated within walking distance of the bus stand, Mysore Palace and the zoo. I stayed in a mixed bed dorm, with three bunk beds. A girl from Quebec and two guys from the US were the current occupants, however, there was one more who was never really around (later that night I found his presence in the shape of a human-shaped body on the lower bunk of the middle bed). Having struck up a conversation with the girl, who has travelled to about 11-12 countries(talk about goals), and is still visiting more, led to a conversation among all present.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear an exclamation from the door, and on looking up, finding a colleague I had previously worked with at the door. Such coincidences. A quick discourse revealed he was travelling with his friends and a family member and was here for pleasure.

Having already planned an itinerary and hell-bent on visiting every place I had jotted down after much debate, I embarked after those, after a pleasant lunch. My first destination was Somnathpur Temple, situated about 35 km away from Mysore. Due to perhaps the distance of the place, the place was not much traversed by tourists. A quick talk at the cab agency led me to conclude that I’d be way over budget if I chose to take a cab. The only other option was a bus (unless I chose to hitch-hike, which is a huge no-no in India). From what I had read before, there were no direct buses to the place, I was supposed to take a bus to Bannur, and from there a bus to my destination. The locals I talked to supported the claim. So a bus to Bannur was what I got on. Having no clue as to how I was supposed to change buses, or where, I talked to the conductor of the bus, a lady. She turned out to be one of the sweetest and most helpful people I met there. After we reached Bannur, she got off with me; talked to the conductor of another bus about my destination, and made sure I got on the bus safely. I ended up feeling like a little girl, but hey, I was grateful for the help. The new conductor was another cheerful fellow, who kept reassuring me that he’ll get me safely to my destination, much to my amusement. And voila, within no time, I had arrived. I was bid goodbye with the correct directions to the temple, and a girl who had got off with me, pointed it out while we walked together towards it as well. It was hardly 100 meters away. When I think about it, I am still amazed at the helpfulness and concern of the local people in Mysore and near bouts. It makes me happy and all warm inside.

The temple with its gorgeous architecture did not disappoint; so many stone carvings depicting age-old stories of Gods and Goddesses. Not being a frequented tourist destination, it was serene and retained its magnificent voice, not yet drowned by the crowding hordes of tourists. There I met a young lady, who had travelled one boring Saturday afternoon all the way from Bangalore on her scooty for a quick-getaway, two different Malayali families and the prettiest little girl I had ever seen, she was visiting with her family I supposed.

Soon enough, I was back in Mysore and on my way to the famous Vrindavan Gardens. By the time our bus got through traffic, it was already 7 pm and the sun had set some time back. A short walk down a road had me stare aghast at the sheer amount of humans crowded in there. I decided to move forward anyway, I wasn’t going to go back after travelling for almost 2 hours to get here. I walked down the path that led to the gardens, I didn’t notice the group of men/ boys I had passed until claps and leers drew my attention to them. I glanced back quickly and was a bit shocked to find they were intended at me-a girl travelling without company. It was crowded and it was dark. I chose to ignore them and walked quickly towards the gardens, thinking perhaps I was wrong and simply over thinking this. In order to convince my brain, I walked into the garden, off the path through some bushes and proceeded to stand near a fountain. I was lost in the moment, it was night, the fountains sprayed water on you, and it was pleasant. A few pictures later, I figured there’s more to explore, and started to move away. I turned to move deeper into the garden, but as soon as I did, I got a definitive shock; the bunch of men had decided to follow me into the garden through the same bushes. I admit I was freaked out, I didn’t think they would actually come through the bushes, the same way I had (it was not a path; I had simply used it as a means of escape). I circled around back to the bushes and onto the path again, praying I wasn’t seen. Things that ran through my mind- I singled out a family to whom I could ask for help and prepared whatever resource I could use, just in case something happened, including my voice. So I stood behind the bushes and watched these men look around for me (I could understand pieces of what they were saying, it was Tamil I believe-“where did she go”, “where”). I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw them move deeper into the gardens. I quite literally semi-jogged the opposite way, across a bridge, through those garden, back across the bridge, a short walk, and onto the next bus back to Mysore. Yep, that’s how my visit to Vrindavan Gardens went. Exhilarating, to say the least. After I had calmed down enough, my mind wandered over to more important things, like dinner, and a sudden craving for pasta surfaced. A quick search led me to this quaint little Italian place called The Old House, and I admit the pasta was delicious.

Back at the hostel, I made my getaway to the swing upstairs to just relax and soak in the night. There I found my colleague with his friends. An hour or so passed just conversing, after which I moved downstairs. I thought I could use the time to introspect. Soon, I was joined by my colleague and one of his friends, and before we realised, it was almost two hours past midnight. I can say I genuinely enjoyed our conversation, and there are very few conversations I’d skip sleep for.

The next day dawned quickly, and after a quick breakfast, I went around to the zoo, which was about a kilometre away from the hostel. It would not be wrong to say that it was worth the time. I hadn’t been to a zoo since my middle school and my childish fantasies of visiting zoos seemed to have disappeared. Additionally, all the animals in the zoo seemed to have made a pact the night before, to show their backs to the eager onlookers, and well, that was that. At the zoo, I met a vivacious school-girl of 13, who was on a school trip. She wanted to become a chef and baked quite often, from what she told me. I was glad to have such an animated person to accompany at the zoo, it made it all the more interesting.

Next stop on my list was Bangalore Palace, to which I was running late, having set up a meeting there with the two Americans. The place was teeming with people and it was hot. I have to admit, in its time, the palace must have been majestic in its grandeur and luxury. In its stateliness, it still managed to reflect the opulence it must have once boasted of, a century or so ago. A detailed audio-tour of the private rooms of the palace, and we made our way outside. Our fancy was caught by a horse driven carriage, on which we made our way to look for a place to eat. It was easy to pretend that I was a part of the royal family and was being given a tour of the family’s land, in a decked up private horse-carriage. With such romantic notions in my head, we finished a lazy lunch and made our way to St. Philomena’s Cathedral. One of the tallest churches in Asia and built in Gothic style, it is said to be inspired by the Cologne Cathedral in Germany.  Very soon it was back to the hostel. A short rest, wherein I chose to fill in my travel diary and it was back to Bangalore again. 

I was happy. I had my few brief moments of respite from reality, met a lot of wonderfully helpful people, made momentary memories, and like all things, I let these memories wash upon me one final time and let them be just that- memories- the kind of memories to be smiled upon while absent-mindedly looking into the distance when some fly away thought or a floating word reminds of this place.

Beautiful Conversations

Have you ever had a heart-to-heart with someone? A conversation completely devoid of judgment? Just two people expressing their emotions or stories in a way that suits them best.

Some of the best conversations I’ve had have been with strangers. It’s so easy to forget real life for a moment and lose ourselves in our problems with strangers, knowing that you probably will never see them or speak to them again. There’s something almost magically transient about it, feeling the weight of your unheard stories lift off of your shoulders. It’s like you are losing your worries into the wind whose currents will carry them far, far away, if not for a while, for a moment at least. It’s always left me wondering how easily I can reveal my fears to strangers but not to the ones who love me.  I suppose that’s how all of us are. We tell strangers things because there is no commitment, no staying on until we separate, no promises, unlike with the ones we love and who love us. Uncertainty, the uncertainty of them, of a future with those we love, with the ones who love us, because, let’s face it, it’s human nature, nothing is permanent. I like to think we are all aware of this folly in us, yet we keep hoping, hoping we might be the exception to the rule.

You also learn, when you listen to their stories, their lives. I absolutely adore it. I love listening to their stories, about their families, their hopes, their dreams…so many thoughts run wild through my head and the palpable excitement of their hopes mixes with my own hopes and desire, of hoping for new, different things. You realize there are so many different perspectives to explore and so many lifestyles. Makes you realize how small a part you play in this momentary thing we call life.

And above all this, you develop this ache inside you, an ache to make a difference, to play a small part in their lives, no matter how small, in the hopes that your memory lives on after you pass them by.

The Little Things in Life

If you really think about it, there are so many things that could cheer you up, little things, accidental things, stumbling upon an unexpected circumstance, immeasurable, momentary, ephemeral...
Imagine a lousy day, you've been stressed out and overloaded with work, nothing is going the way you want, yes, you know, that kind of a day, what makes you feel good? What makes you feel a little bit better? What makes you happy?

I have thought about it a lot during the past few days, and have deliberated my actions towards those things which make me happy after a lousy day, and trust me, it has helped me feel at least a little bit better.

1. Writing down what I am grateful for. If things are not looking up, and life at that moment seems impossible, I try and remember all the things I am fortunate to have. No, it doesn't always work, but it helps. I also have daily reminders set before I end the day reminding me to be grateful for at least one thing. Every day at 10 pm sharp, my phone pings and reminds me to sleep with a grateful heart.

2. Pizza/ Choco Lava Cake/ French fries. Yes, you heard me right. Eating junk food makes me happy. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it does and it will remain on the top of my lists and I am not ashamed to admit it.

3. Helping a random stranger/ or even a friend, without expecting anything in return. If the world has been especially cruel to you, and no matter how many times you have tried, life just doesn't seem fair, well, what better way to make the world a better place than to lend a hand unconditionally to someone.

4. Thinking of those dear souls who love you and take time out of their day for you. Be it your family or friends, there is someone in the world who cares about you, and you my friend are lucky to have them. Thinking about them makes my heart fill with joy. Be it those crazy friends of yours who take the day to spend time with you, fall asleep during your night movie sessions, come to see you off, send you daily reminders of how loved you are, inspire you to take one more step, or that family of yours, who even though you fight with on a regular basis, you always keep going back to them. Maybe spend some time with them.

5. Treat yourself. Spend a day pampering yourself, Take yourself out on a date, keep those phones away (except to make reservation at that restaurant you always wanted to try out or at that new spa), read a book, pursue a hobby, go trekking, travel, cook, buy some flowers, go crazy dancing or singing, lose yourself in the pursuit of whatever it is you love to do.

6. Connect with your old friends. I admit it, I am a very bad friend when it comes to keeping in touch, I'm horrible at it. So if any of you are reading this (you know who you are), I am sorry. I love the fact that I can call you guys and we can start off as if we never stopped talking. Those precious gems in your life!

7. Clean and organize. I don't know what is it about organizing and going on a cleaning spree that cheers you up. It helps me think clearly, get a better hold on life.

8. Get your perspective right. Write down your goals. Write down how you are going to achieve it, make steps, divide, work on each step, one at a time, tick them off on your list, put milestones, and celebrate when you achieve them.

9. Exercise and yoga.  Burn out all that stress and worry you have been holding up, If you're mad, take it out on that jog and run an extra mile. Or take deep breaths as you take control over your body,

10. Pray. When in doubt, when you feel hopeless, when things haven't looked up for ages, when you feel alone, kneel and pray. Let all your emotions drain and surrender. Perhaps you don't believe in God, and that's okay too. Even if you don't, send a little prayer out into the universe and hope to be heard, you never know if you'll get to hear something back.

11. Cry. Personally, I have never been a big fan of letting people know I cry. But that doesn't mean I never cry. I do. A lot, actually. Just not in front of people. Favorite places include a washroom cubicle, my bed at night or any place where I can be alone until I get a better hold over my amuck emotions. Cry as much as you want, for as long as you want, it is a natural event. And after you're done, promise yourself you will not cry for the same reason. You might not always keep those promises, but it's worth a sincere effort too.

12. Communication can solve a lot of issues. Talk to people. If it's a particular person that has caused you to stress out, be upset or angry, talk to them. Be polite but effective. If it doesn't make a difference, you tried, but if it does, way to go! If you can't talk to that person or if it's an unfortunate circumstance in your life, talk to someone you love, someone you trust, someone who can tell you what to do (if there is a need), someone who can hold you up and support you when you need them, your best friend, you significant other, your family.

13. Do something about your problem. Take a step back, look at your problem, then solve it. If you don't think you can, ask for help. Find out how to tackle it and then do it. Take action. There's a solution to every problem, it's something I firmly believe in.

14. Look up at the stars. Yes. If I am unhappy and I am outside, I look up at the stars. It makes me feel better. Maybe it's the vastness of the universe and realizing how insignificant I am, or maybe it's just the beauty of it, but it helps.

Image Courtesy

This is life. It will have it's ups and downs, and it's up to you to decide what you do during those times. Take only the good from the bad  (more difficult than it's sounds). Be happy.

-Anjana

By the Window

Sitting by the window seat, the sun shining on my face, I wanted to tell someone how the clouds reminded me of cotton, of perhaps what heaven looked like, of how I wished I could jump from one to another, of what I dreamed and thought about. I wanted to explain how the light shining down on me made me feel different, special, how that one cloud looked like Dory from Finding Nemo, how whenever I travel I play out the scenario of a plane crash in my head, how I've felt the last few days, my hopes for the next few days, my inhibitions and worries, how my heart is breaking and no-one knows.

Sitting by the window seat, I also realised that I had noone to tell them to.

Blessed

"We're born with millions of little lights shining in the dark
And they show us the way
One lights up every time you feel love in your heart
One dies when it moves away"
- Passenger (All the little lights)

This has been a long time coming. I haven't written for a long time, so well, let's start with something positive. Something happy to signify the end of the dark times, moments of self doubt and turmoil, and look forward with excitement to what life has ahead.

A huge thank you, to all those people, family, friends and strangers, who've made my day a little better.

A special one to those few wonderful souls out there, who send me something inspirational everyday (and I do mean every single day). You've been the light in many dark times. I cannot thank you enough. And you still do it, every single day, something to get me going. I'm so very grateful that I have you in my life. I can only hope I am the same to you, even if it's just a little bit, I'd like to be little light in your life.

I am blessed to have you all in my life.

Cheers to life of wonderful memories and love!
-Anj

What it's like Being a Feminist

Yes, I know what you are all thinking, there goes another woman spouting crazy about women’s rights and crap, and well I don't care, I'm still writing this. J

Let me start off by making a few things clear:

‘Feminism’, is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Here is the link for the definition if you don’t believe me (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism). Yes, you ignorant mortals, feminism addresses men’s rights and issues as well, only catch here is, talking about these issues when one is talking about women’s issues is not the right way to do it. Call a discussion on the discrimination against men, we can take it up, but most people seem to bring this up as a cause of concern only when there are women’s rights being discussed. Here is a link you can peruse about all the issues tackled by feminism when it comes to men’s issues- https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/comments/3syhda/a_list_of_feminist_resources_tackling_mens_issues/  Go on, read it, don’t chose to remain in ignorance when you are being offered knowledge.

No, I do not hate men. (Believe me, some people, even some friends have asked me this). All I can say to you is, please, for goodness sake; do your basic research you ignorant souls. Neither do I mean to convey that I hate men when I speak about the discrimination I face during my day-to-day life. I am addressing a truth that I face, every day of my life.

And for all those out there, who go, ‘No, I am not a feminist, but I support equality’, honestly, your ignorance has no boundaries does it? Again, the definition itself is self-explanatory (Feel free to analyse that one sentence definition again). Agreed, feminism started with women who wanted reforms and rights, this was at a time when women were not even allowed to vote (and P.S- If it weren’t for these ‘feminists’, most women still wouldn’t have any voting rights). Gradually as women started getting equal opportunities and some of their issues started to get addressed, feminism started addressing men’s issues as well (As I pointed out earlier).‘Feminism’, has taken the form of a ‘dirty’ word, that even some women are afraid to use it. Agreed, it has been grossly taken out of context by today’s media, some men and women, BOTH, and some extremists. What most people need to realise is what feminism actually stands for, which I hope will be clear to you (Come to think of it, I don’t particularly care if it does become clear to you or not, you can continue to keep that stick up your ass against feminism).

This one is for all those women out there, who do not identify themselves as feminists (this is completely fine), BUT at the same time criticize feminism - Playwright and pastor Kristine Holmgren writes in The Guardian: “Make no mistake, the work we did to bring about social change was done at great personal sacrifice. Every time a woman rose to speak for freedom of choice, a personal reputation was ruined. Even so, my generation of women thought nothing of defending the rights of other women at the price of our own futures.” (Reference link- http://www.global-briefing.org/2015/01/feminism-is-for-men-too/) These women worked for the simple rights that we have today. If they had been like you, you would be devoid of something as basic as the right to Vote.

A few more things that should have been obvious to you, but then apparently isn’t (make a wild guess why!) -

As a feminist, I do NOT think I am better than a man. I think I am equal and deserve equality. And NO I do not hate men.

As a feminist, I believe a man should be punished for domestic violence. It also means I believe a woman should get punished for domestic violence as well (and not simply cheered on, or ignored).

No, I do not make everything a feminist issue. I call a SPADE a SPADE.

If you find a self-proclaimed feminist, accusing ALL men of being evil, then it’s not called feminism, that’s extremism.

Yes, I am aware some women misuse this new awareness about women’s rights and use it for their own benefits. And NO, that does not make my argument or point any less valid.

Feminazi (or in fact any kind of ‘Nazi’), is a term which I have found only some of the world’s most mindless and insensible people use. It is NOT offensive to me, or to you, but it IS offensive to the millions of Jewish families who went through hell and suffered at the hands of the Nazis.

As a feminist, I do NOT just hold a few men at fault for inequality, I hold the women who propagate the idea that women are any lesser than men, and I hold the education system, mindset and culture at fault too.

As a feminist, I believe that a woman can still be a feminist even if she is devoted to her family and domestic life.

As a feminist, I will speak up against cat calling, eve-teasing, domestic violence, child marriages, dowry deaths, rape, public shaming and any other sort of discrimination against women. I will also stand as an ally to the LGBTQ+ community and fight for the recognition of their rights (Surprise, they are humans too). I will also fight for men when they are discriminated against.

Coming to my point, being a feminist and a girl (yes, men can be feminists too, surprise!) can be a test of your patience and your ability to remain silent and ignore the blatant ignorance of people around you. Every day you will face issues where the fact that you are feminist, will be rubbed into you, and most of the times it will be taken in a negative sense. You will be bullied intentionally or unintentionally by your own friends. If you dare speak up on the internet, you will be a victim of cyberbullying. If you are a young student and have dared make your views public, elders will come and preach to you about how it’s not right for a girl to be so vocally opinionated. If you have been eve teased and dared to defend yourself or call them out on it, you will be treated to verbal harassment for at least the next few days. You will also be told, by your own friends, how you should not have reacted because apparently then there will be no difference between you and them (To all of those people, here is the difference, I did not choose to call out a random person (girl) walking on the road and pass sexual innuendos at her, I am not the one choosing to act like an illiterate, that is the difference, just in case it wasn’t clear to you). You will be subjected to feminist jokes and everything will be made into a big show, just because you are a feminist. More than a few times, you will be left to stand alone in your views. You will be made to feel inferior for being a feminist (And just in case you are wondering, yes, ALL of the above are from personal experiences).

But you don’t stand alone. You will meet some people (admittedly very few), who understand you, support you and even believe in the same causes. Yes, you will meet men who are feminists too and not ashamed to declare it. These few men and women will be precious to you, hold on to them, they are perhaps the only ones who will understand you and support you when it comes to standing up for your beliefs. They will be the ones who are there for you when you are in doubt and start to question right from wrong (been there, done that!).

So stand tall, be bold, speak up and don’t give up for the things you believe in. I know I won’t.

Note: If any of my commentaries has offended you, well I don’t care. Maybe you should start wondering why it offended you in the first place. J

Today I finally realized what it truly meant!

Give love, even if you don’t receive it. Give it unconditionally. Don’t expect anything in return (sounds so clichéd but believe me, it wasn’t until today that I truly understood the true meaning). When you give love, the happiness reflected on someone else makes you happy too. Care for others, and show them that you care. Spare a thought for everyone. There’s nothing wrong in it. No expectations, no regrets, and no attachments. Live happily. You’ll do just fine. Make happiness your only goal. J

Cheers!

Today

That sudden urge to cry in the midst of laughter.
Sometimes being so good at pretending is not what you need. And sometimes that's all you need to make it through the day.
Then at the end of the day, you realise happiness is a choice, a hard one, but nevertheless a choice.

Thorns

I am a firm believer of the fact that if people wanted to be in someone's life they'd make a genuine effort to do so. I believe, noone is too busy to not make time for someone they truly care of. A text, a call, anything, is never too much taxation on someone who really wants to be close to you.

Of experiences.

Part of Life

Past two months, I haven't written. Was I busy? Well yes, but that's not it.

So many times, I have taken my laptop, opened Word and just stared at the screen, oblivious and clueless. Then I would close the laptop lid and distract myself. Distraction. I had been desperate for it. In some ways, I think I still am. I just 'needed' to not think. And well, it didn't quite work out well.

I have wondered if it was depression. I have gone online and taken countless depression tests which gave me a rather dark review about myself. I have spent hours looking up 'How to be Happy' online and I have..well I thought there would be something else, but I guess not! Oh wait, I have lost weight! A bit too much perhaps.
But I have learned,by God, I have learnt. And I am grateful for that.

It is all a part of life. I realized if we didn't really go through all the hard times, we would never appreciate the good, we would never appreciate life. Because this is life. And to experience life, is what we are here for. So that's what it is. Experience.

What I want is a life colored with emotions, brimming over with them, a life without any regrets, I want to experience it all, everything. I want to be able to live a full life. That is what I want.

Have you?

Have you ever wished for someone..., anyone to just understand?
Have you ever cried desperately into your pillow at nights for them?
Have you lain awake and wondered what would it be like?
Has your heart broken into a million pieces when you find out that fairy tales and love don't exist?
Have you then screamed a silent scream of a broken soul, forever?
Have you then heard just silence as reply?
Have you then prayed for an end to this misery?
Have you then, closed your eyes and asked to be let free?

Growing up and Moving on

This year has been, well, simply put, overwhelming. Overwhelming because of the things I've experienced, learnt, felt and done. Especially the past few months. I have felt unconditional love (not what you'd imagine!), excruciating pain, disappointment, happiness and most importantly learnt some major life's lessons. It feels like I was drugged on emotions, the independence I had found, the recklessness, the moment... 

I think, maybe all of us go through this at one point of time or the other. I realize I am not alone in this, so I know it's going to be okay.

Maybe it's all a part of turning 20. It's sort of depressing, if I'm being honest. It's like I'm losing a part of myself, shutting it  off, caging it forever from the world and promising myself that I'll never bring that part of me out again. But then I'm learning to deal with it and in that I find my solace.

The things I've learnt-

> Love is never easy. And if it happens quickly, most of the times, it's not real. There will be an initial high and with time, chances are both of you will start feeling the loss of that high. One of you will always be more committed and expect more, and the other will have priorities elsewhere. That will only breed resentment, disappointment and sadness. Ultimately, you lose hope and just give up. So just wait for it, take it easy and move on.

> Selfless friendship is not real. Your friends will always put themselves before you. Remember they always want you to do well, but not better than them. That's what it ultimately comes down to. It's all a race, a competition, and each one will always want to be first. So don't go the extra mile for them. Do good. Don't be selfish but also don't be selfless. Enjoy the good times with your friends, share your sorrows and joys but don't go that extra mile for anybody.

> Having high expectation out of any situation or a person is never a good idea. Keep your expectations low.

> Be the bigger person. Apologize, and breed good relations. Look at a situation from both sides, and understand. Forgive yourself if it's your fault and apologize to the people involved. Even if it's not your fault, learn to talk it out and apologize for any harm done. It doesn't cost much.

> Your secrets and feelings are yours alone. Don't let anyone put you down, or make you feel inferior for who you are, or what you feel. You, as a human, are entitled to feel whatever you want, to be your own person, to be different. It helps to talk about it, but before you do think if you'll regret telling anyone about how you feel and then tell them.

> In life you'll probably end up doing a lot of stupid things. Things like getting drunk, try and impress someone who's not worth it, flirt with complete strangers, be completely reckless and lose it, and etc and etc. But well, honestly, you won't really regret it (as long as it doesn't end up in violence, or a legal case or anything of the sorts). You learn from them and you move on.

> There will be days in your life when you are at the point of bursting with happiness, days like you're birthdays, the day you achieved something, or won something. Days when the world is all happy for you, and it's all rosy and golden. But, it's all temporary. Do not rely on it too much because this too shall pass.

> Being an individual with your own ideas and thoughts, you will always face criticism. Criticism for your ideas, for your thoughts, for what you say and what you write, criticism from all directions, your friends, family, teachers. Don't let it get to you. Stand strong for what you believe in. Realize that in the end, those who truly love you will support you no matter what. So stand tall with your head high for what you believe in.

> Learn to take everything in stride. And I mean everything. Things that might mean a lot to you today, a few days, weeks, months or years might lose all importance. So don't prioritize them over your own good. If it is, it is. If it isn't, it isn't. So just lay back and look at life with a lazy eye, it helps!

> Let it go. The resentments, disappointments.., let it all go. It's slow poison, harming only you and hindering your own personal growth. Always be the better person, because ultimately it's your integrity that matters most. Think and achieve self-actualization.

I don't know how many of you can relate to it, but I hope you do. And if you do, I hope it helped put things more in perspective for you.

In the end, all I have to say is lead a life you are proud of. Be good. And stay happy.

Cheers!
-Anj

Staying Strong

Have you ever cried silently standing in the middle of a crowded bus, yet no one notices ?

Stay strong. Realise 'you' are all you need to survive. Never give up on your principles. Please stay strong.

Sunset Thoughts

The rolling mountains spread out and the sunset between them was a burst of brilliant colours. Mesmerising to look at. The cool wind threw its own occasional and frequent tantrums which made the thundering clouds roll closer. I could sit here forever, I thought, trapped in this moment of time, and be blissfully happy, not wanting anything. I want time to stop, the feeling so strong, that it made me almost choke and then look up quickly and around to see if anyone had noticed.  No one had. Everyone was lost in their own world,  sitting here, just like me to escape from the world for a few moments. We are all heroes of our lives, the main characters, the protagonists. We are all concerned with our lives, our dreams, our hopes, our sadness. But sitting here, sharing this moment with other lonely souls, it didn't feel like it was my life I was living. I wasn't the main character anymore, it didn't matter anymore what I did or thought, it all seemed so mundane, pointless in the bigger picture. I didn't like it, this feeling. It made me feel as though someone took an important part of me or rather my role and told me that its not important, that your actions and thoughts are not everything, that you aren't the main character. And that made me feel sad, because its the truth isn't it?! Even though I hated feeling this way, I couldn't not accept it.

We are all selfish. Its natural. We all have ideals and a certain way of living our lives that we think is right. In the end, does it matter?
Our problems seem so meaningless, but I don't want it to seem that way. Some would say, they are not meaningless, that they matter. Maybe. Maybe not. Right now it seems pointless. Right now, all I am left with is a hope of living a life without regrets, a life of travel, a life of adventure, a life of extremes of emotions, a life of happiness, ..., a full life.

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Decisions.

12th April, 2015
02:34 pm

Loving hurts. So I'll stop now and move on with my life.

Perhaps, it was never meant to be. Just a lesson in my life. Maybe it will be someone else, someday. Or maybe it will be no one. Either way, I will live and I will be happy, even if I have to do so alone.

~Words from the torn page of a secret diary

Quest

#1

Be the support you have to be for others. Help them. Have them lean on you.
But be your own woman. They might not be here when you need them for the same and do not expect them to be either.
You have yourself. You don't need anyone else. Be your own strength. Support yourself. Stay happy.

Empty Thoughts

In the story of our lives, we are all our own heroes and everyone else merely supporting actors and actresses.

Humans are inherently selfish. We all want what we want. Its a tragic thought, isn't it. Makes one wonder, who will remain when we need them the most.

Oh..., what wouldn't I give to know that I have that one person who will always be there!

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Confusion

Today I woke up in the morning feeling awful. Awful, depressed, upset with no strength or motivation to get myself to college. As though on automatic, I got up and prepared for college. I was a robot. My face must have showed signs, because my friend on the way asked if I was okay, to which I automatically replied, 'Fine, just sleepy'. Scary how easily these lies come to me now.

Pic Courtesy

This was not the worse part. The worst part was I didn't know why. Maybe it was the phone call I had with my parents last night, or the status of my life, or the effect of a combined ennui borne out of studies, work and the stress from them. I honestly didn't know why. The whole morning I kept wondering and wishing myself out of this state. Having two classes in the morning had become a chore. As I sat through class, I called on God as my last hope. I'm serious, I did. I asked Him to show me a sign, anything, or get me out of the next class...anyhow, somehow, by any means plausible. I was desperate. It didn't work out. 

After two hours of agony, I rushed back to my room. Distraction. That's what I needed. Next thing I knew I was neck deep in work. It helped me forget. Lunch came and went. Skipping lunches was a usual. And the noon session of college soon started. 

And the day is now at an end. My mood progressively did become better as the day progressed, but it’s still not completely healed yet. I still feel upset. I still feel like I'm suffocating and that I'm stuck. Like I've fallen down into a deep dark chasm where all I see is the distant pin prick of light that the rest of the world dwells in, but somehow cannot ever be somewhere where I will ever live.

Woolgathering: A Wish Untold

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

~ A quote I read somewhere