Today I woke up in the morning feeling awful. Awful, depressed, upset with no strength or motivation to get myself to college. As though on automatic, I got up and prepared for college. I was a robot. My face must have showed signs, because my friend on the way asked if I was okay, to which I automatically replied, 'Fine, just sleepy'. Scary how easily these lies come to me now.
This was not the worse part. The worst part was I didn't know why. Maybe it was the phone call I had with my parents last night, or the status of my life, or the effect of a combined ennui borne out of studies, work and the stress from them. I honestly didn't know why. The whole morning I kept wondering and wishing myself out of this state. Having two classes in the morning had become a chore. As I sat through class, I called on God as my last hope. I'm serious, I did. I asked Him to show me a sign, anything, or get me out of the next class...anyhow, somehow, by any means plausible. I was desperate. It didn't work out.
After two hours of agony, I rushed back to my room. Distraction. That's what I needed. Next thing I knew I was neck deep in work. It helped me forget. Lunch came and went. Skipping lunches was a usual. And the noon session of college soon started.
And the day is now at an end. My mood progressively did become better as the day progressed, but it’s still not completely healed yet. I still feel upset. I still feel like I'm suffocating and that I'm stuck. Like I've fallen down into a deep dark chasm where all I see is the distant pin prick of light that the rest of the world dwells in, but somehow cannot ever be somewhere where I will ever live.