The following is a piece of writing by a dear friend and comrade, Saumitra. You should read his other works, it's amazing. I love the way he has captured the gist of what most of us feel. I hope you relate to it, because I definitely can!
MAKE YOUR SOUL SMILE - Saumitra Khadilkar
I was just lying on my bed, did not care about the time, it was around 2.30-3.00 am. This was not the 1st time I was not feeling sleepy, the main reason for these sleepless nights, this insomnia was the future. The stress, tension, anxiety call it whatever you want but it had got to me and snatched away my sleep.
When I say the future I mean the fear which engulfs teenagers like me and renders them lifeless. The fear whether I will be successful or not, the fear whether I will be able to fulfill my dreams, will I be able to support my parents and what not. Add to it the boring college life of mine, its stagnant, monotonous and exhaustive. To be straight I was dead inside, except for the fear, not excited about anything, not even about the fact that I was leaving for home after 2 days for vacations after 6 months. But, as a regular teenager I decided to ignore my problems and scroll the internet and ran across a vine, it was nothing special, it was just 1 guy cursing another guy but I had watched that scene in a TV show and I broke into hysterical laughter, I was laughing for around 5 minutes, breathless at the end, I noticed I hadn’t laughed like this in a while, for those 5 minutes I forgot all the problems and did not care about anything. A big question rose in front of me “Am I living or just existing”?
Next day ended quickly and I started thinking how to fight this depression sort of thing. Surely there would be so many people like me, talking to them is one option but I can’t do that, the talking your heart out thing, it’s not my cup of tea. So I just came to my room sat on a chair, took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I needed to do get the satisfaction of living, to get that happiness of last night for a more durable period.
The 1st thing was to get some adrenaline rush, I had to kill this seed in me which had made me emotionless. After a lot of scrawling on the paper I finally had it, it was not exactly a plan but it was something I knew would slap a smile on my face if I followed it. I was going to do what I loved, play and follow football, travel as much as I can, explore every nook and corner of this planet, meet new people, learn new cultures and lifestyles and keep in touch with friends. It’s just like a very non-specific bucket list, but from that night onwards I slept on time, the fear was still there but at least now I had something to show for it.
I can’t wait to get out in the real world, to struggle, to enjoy, to earn money, I don’t even mind failing a few times, to succeed and most importantly to live, live this life in a way that I have no regrets at the end, live it in a way that even my soul smiles.
The bottom line is, everyone fights their own battles and the future is scary for everyone in a different way. All you have to do is live life in a way that makes you happy and you can call it satisfactory. You just have to fight the fear.
As Walter White said it in Breaking Bad “I came to realize it’s that fear, that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. Get up! Getup in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth”.
With these words in mind, a very Happy New Year in advance, my friends! May this new year be everything you have ever wanted.
@Saumitra - I hope you still keep sending me your 'short stories with a twist' on WhatsApp. I love them.
Cheers to life!