Of Expectations

Meena was all sunshine today. Her father had written to her, he had written that he would come see her tomorrow. He will be coming in the evening train, one of the handful of trains that had a stop in their rural land. She was smiling, life was colourful, there was nothing she could want for.

Tomorrow

It was the only train of the day. It was due at 4 pm. It was now 4:18. The station master had told her that the train was 20 minutes late. She couldn't wait. There was a whistle of a train far away and her heart jumped up. She was grinning. There, there it was, slowly and grumpily making its way through the golden fields. She stood up. She was the only person waiting on the platform. 4:19. The train finally slid into the station and came to a stop. A two minute stop. She felt her heart would burst. Expectation soared. 4:20. She glanced nervously around. There was still time. Anxiety slowly made its poisonous way into that palpitating organ. 4:21. The train whistled. Her eyes were wide, frantic, hopeful, ever hopeful. 4:22. The station master pulled out the green flag and the train started moving.
Disappointment coursed and crashed into her. She thought her heart would break. She clutched her chest and backed away. Not again, no. But he promised, the thought was involuntary. Just like the promises made before, and then broken. Naive, that's what she was. She stared blankly at the train in the distance. The light of hope was gone. Gone off a face far too young to know what its like to live without that light.The station master spared a glance filled with pity at her and moved back into his cabin. She sat there, staring at nothing for a long time. There was pain. Silent tears rolled off her cheeks.
6:55. Shoulders squared, she rose, resolve made. Never again, she promised herself. And then with her head held high, she made her way back home alone.

Thorns

I am a firm believer of the fact that if people wanted to be in someone's life they'd make a genuine effort to do so. I believe, noone is too busy to not make time for someone they truly care of. A text, a call, anything, is never too much taxation on someone who really wants to be close to you.

Of experiences.

Lessons Learnt

#8

Growing up is dealing with your problems on your own.

As I sit here and write this, I cannot help but feel a little proud of myself. It doesn't amount to much when compared to others around the world, but it's my little victory and it means a lot to me. And that makes me happy.

Dark

She was scared of the dark. And she was scared of the men. They didn’t believe her stories.

They didn’t believe her until the marks on her skin started showing.

Dark

She was talented, successful, beautiful and earned well.

The prospective groom rejected her because she was too ‘dark’.

Dark

He grabbed the chocolates before his cousin could and ran away.

He put one in his mouth and grimaced. The chocolate was dark.

Guest Article- Saumitra Khadilkar

The following is a piece of writing by a dear friend and comrade, Saumitra. You should read his other works, it's amazing. I love the way he has captured the gist of what most of us feel. I hope you relate to it, because I definitely can!

MAKE YOUR SOUL SMILE - Saumitra Khadilkar

I was just lying on my bed, did not care about the time, it was around 2.30-3.00 am. This was not the 1^st time I was not feeling sleepy, the main reason for these sleepless nights, this insomnia was the future. The stress, tension, anxiety call it whatever you want but it had got to me and snatched away my sleep.

When I say the future I mean the fear which engulfs teenagers like me and renders them lifeless. The fear whether I will be successful or not, the fear whether I will be able to fulfill my dreams, will I be able to support my parents and what not. Add to it the boring college life of mine, its stagnant, monotonous and exhaustive. To be straight I was dead inside, except for the fear, not excited about anything, not even about the fact that I was leaving for home after 2 days for vacations after 6 months. But, as a regular teenager I decided to ignore my problems and scroll the internet and ran across a vine, it was nothing special, it was just 1 guy cursing another guy but I had watched that scene in a TV show and I broke into hysterical laughter, I was laughing for around 5 minutes, breathless at the end, I noticed I hadn’t laughed like this in a while, for those 5 minutes I forgot all the problems and did not care about anything. A big question rose in front of me “Am I living or just existing”?

Next day ended quickly and I started thinking how to fight this depression sort of thing. Surely there would be so many people like me, talking to them is one option but I can’t do that, the talking your heart out thing, it’s not my cup of tea. So I just came to my room sat on a chair, took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I needed to do get the satisfaction of living, to get that happiness of last night for a more durable period.

The 1^st thing was to get some adrenaline rush, I had to kill this seed in me which had made me emotionless. After a lot of scrawling on the paper I finally had it, it was not exactly a plan but it was something I knew would slap a smile on my face if I followed it. I was going to do what I loved, play and follow football, travel as much as I can, explore every nook and corner of this planet, meet new people, learn new cultures and lifestyles and keep in touch with friends. It’s just like a very non-specific bucket list, but from that night onwards I slept on time, the fear was still there but at least now I had something to show for it.

I can’t wait to get out in the real world, to struggle, to enjoy, to earn money, I don’t even mind failing a few times, to succeed and most importantly to live, live this life in a way that I have no regrets at the end, live it in a way that even my soul smiles.

The bottom line is, everyone fights their own battles and the future is scary for everyone in a different way. All you have to do is live life in a way that makes you happy and you can call it satisfactory. You just have to fight the fear.

As Walter White said it in Breaking Bad “I came to realize it’s that fear, that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. Get up! Getup in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth”.  

With these words in mind, a very Happy New Year in advance, my friends! May this new year be everything you have ever wanted.

@Saumitra - I hope you still keep sending me your 'short stories with a twist' on WhatsApp. I love them.

Cheers to life!

New

It was an old, well worn dress that she donated to the volunteers.

Across the city, the girl who lived on the street wore her new dress for the first time.

Part of Life

Past two months, I haven't written. Was I busy? Well yes, but that's not it.

So many times, I have taken my laptop, opened Word and just stared at the screen, oblivious and clueless. Then I would close the laptop lid and distract myself. Distraction. I had been desperate for it. In some ways, I think I still am. I just 'needed' to not think. And well, it didn't quite work out well.

I have wondered if it was depression. I have gone online and taken countless depression tests which gave me a rather dark review about myself. I have spent hours looking up 'How to be Happy' online and I have..well I thought there would be something else, but I guess not! Oh wait, I have lost weight! A bit too much perhaps.
But I have learned,by God, I have learnt. And I am grateful for that.

It is all a part of life. I realized if we didn't really go through all the hard times, we would never appreciate the good, we would never appreciate life. Because this is life. And to experience life, is what we are here for. So that's what it is. Experience.

What I want is a life colored with emotions, brimming over with them, a life without any regrets, I want to experience it all, everything. I want to be able to live a full life. That is what I want.