Guest Article- Saumitra Khadilkar

The following is a piece of writing by a dear friend and comrade, Saumitra. You should read his other works, it's amazing. I love the way he has captured the gist of what most of us feel. I hope you relate to it, because I definitely can!

MAKE YOUR SOUL SMILE - Saumitra Khadilkar

I was just lying on my bed, did not care about the time, it was around 2.30-3.00 am. This was not the 1^st time I was not feeling sleepy, the main reason for these sleepless nights, this insomnia was the future. The stress, tension, anxiety call it whatever you want but it had got to me and snatched away my sleep.

When I say the future I mean the fear which engulfs teenagers like me and renders them lifeless. The fear whether I will be successful or not, the fear whether I will be able to fulfill my dreams, will I be able to support my parents and what not. Add to it the boring college life of mine, its stagnant, monotonous and exhaustive. To be straight I was dead inside, except for the fear, not excited about anything, not even about the fact that I was leaving for home after 2 days for vacations after 6 months. But, as a regular teenager I decided to ignore my problems and scroll the internet and ran across a vine, it was nothing special, it was just 1 guy cursing another guy but I had watched that scene in a TV show and I broke into hysterical laughter, I was laughing for around 5 minutes, breathless at the end, I noticed I hadn’t laughed like this in a while, for those 5 minutes I forgot all the problems and did not care about anything. A big question rose in front of me “Am I living or just existing”?

Next day ended quickly and I started thinking how to fight this depression sort of thing. Surely there would be so many people like me, talking to them is one option but I can’t do that, the talking your heart out thing, it’s not my cup of tea. So I just came to my room sat on a chair, took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I needed to do get the satisfaction of living, to get that happiness of last night for a more durable period.

The 1^st thing was to get some adrenaline rush, I had to kill this seed in me which had made me emotionless. After a lot of scrawling on the paper I finally had it, it was not exactly a plan but it was something I knew would slap a smile on my face if I followed it. I was going to do what I loved, play and follow football, travel as much as I can, explore every nook and corner of this planet, meet new people, learn new cultures and lifestyles and keep in touch with friends. It’s just like a very non-specific bucket list, but from that night onwards I slept on time, the fear was still there but at least now I had something to show for it.

I can’t wait to get out in the real world, to struggle, to enjoy, to earn money, I don’t even mind failing a few times, to succeed and most importantly to live, live this life in a way that I have no regrets at the end, live it in a way that even my soul smiles.

The bottom line is, everyone fights their own battles and the future is scary for everyone in a different way. All you have to do is live life in a way that makes you happy and you can call it satisfactory. You just have to fight the fear.

As Walter White said it in Breaking Bad “I came to realize it’s that fear, that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. Get up! Getup in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth”.  

With these words in mind, a very Happy New Year in advance, my friends! May this new year be everything you have ever wanted.

@Saumitra - I hope you still keep sending me your 'short stories with a twist' on WhatsApp. I love them.

Cheers to life!

New

It was an old, well worn dress that she donated to the volunteers.

Across the city, the girl who lived on the street wore her new dress for the first time.

Part of Life

Past two months, I haven't written. Was I busy? Well yes, but that's not it.

So many times, I have taken my laptop, opened Word and just stared at the screen, oblivious and clueless. Then I would close the laptop lid and distract myself. Distraction. I had been desperate for it. In some ways, I think I still am. I just 'needed' to not think. And well, it didn't quite work out well.

I have wondered if it was depression. I have gone online and taken countless depression tests which gave me a rather dark review about myself. I have spent hours looking up 'How to be Happy' online and I have..well I thought there would be something else, but I guess not! Oh wait, I have lost weight! A bit too much perhaps.
But I have learned,by God, I have learnt. And I am grateful for that.

It is all a part of life. I realized if we didn't really go through all the hard times, we would never appreciate the good, we would never appreciate life. Because this is life. And to experience life, is what we are here for. So that's what it is. Experience.

What I want is a life colored with emotions, brimming over with them, a life without any regrets, I want to experience it all, everything. I want to be able to live a full life. That is what I want.

Dangerous

Each thought drives the knife a little deeper into her heart.

-Observer

Lit Nights

I missed home yesterday.

I missed home while the bursting crackers sang a loud lullaby,

And the skies lit up in blazing glory
I still missed home as the resounding lullaby lulled me
Deeper into the warm, safe grasp of Sleep.

Away

With eyes that are now dry,

And a face that does not look behind,

She raises her head and walks straight,

Ignoring the fact that her voice still shakes a little,

Therein lies strength and true beauty.

Have you?

Have you ever wished for someone..., anyone to just understand?
Have you ever cried desperately into your pillow at nights for them?
Have you lain awake and wondered what would it be like?
Has your heart broken into a million pieces when you find out that fairy tales and love don't exist?
Have you then screamed a silent scream of a broken soul, forever?
Have you then heard just silence as reply?
Have you then prayed for an end to this misery?
Have you then, closed your eyes and asked to be let free?

Growing up and Moving on

This year has been, well, simply put, overwhelming. Overwhelming because of the things I've experienced, learnt, felt and done. Especially the past few months. I have felt unconditional love (not what you'd imagine!), excruciating pain, disappointment, happiness and most importantly learnt some major life's lessons. It feels like I was drugged on emotions, the independence I had found, the recklessness, the moment... 

I think, maybe all of us go through this at one point of time or the other. I realize I am not alone in this, so I know it's going to be okay.

Maybe it's all a part of turning 20. It's sort of depressing, if I'm being honest. It's like I'm losing a part of myself, shutting it  off, caging it forever from the world and promising myself that I'll never bring that part of me out again. But then I'm learning to deal with it and in that I find my solace.

The things I've learnt-

> Love is never easy. And if it happens quickly, most of the times, it's not real. There will be an initial high and with time, chances are both of you will start feeling the loss of that high. One of you will always be more committed and expect more, and the other will have priorities elsewhere. That will only breed resentment, disappointment and sadness. Ultimately, you lose hope and just give up. So just wait for it, take it easy and move on.

> Selfless friendship is not real. Your friends will always put themselves before you. Remember they always want you to do well, but not better than them. That's what it ultimately comes down to. It's all a race, a competition, and each one will always want to be first. So don't go the extra mile for them. Do good. Don't be selfish but also don't be selfless. Enjoy the good times with your friends, share your sorrows and joys but don't go that extra mile for anybody.

> Having high expectation out of any situation or a person is never a good idea. Keep your expectations low.

> Be the bigger person. Apologize, and breed good relations. Look at a situation from both sides, and understand. Forgive yourself if it's your fault and apologize to the people involved. Even if it's not your fault, learn to talk it out and apologize for any harm done. It doesn't cost much.

> Your secrets and feelings are yours alone. Don't let anyone put you down, or make you feel inferior for who you are, or what you feel. You, as a human, are entitled to feel whatever you want, to be your own person, to be different. It helps to talk about it, but before you do think if you'll regret telling anyone about how you feel and then tell them.

> In life you'll probably end up doing a lot of stupid things. Things like getting drunk, try and impress someone who's not worth it, flirt with complete strangers, be completely reckless and lose it, and etc and etc. But well, honestly, you won't really regret it (as long as it doesn't end up in violence, or a legal case or anything of the sorts). You learn from them and you move on.

> There will be days in your life when you are at the point of bursting with happiness, days like you're birthdays, the day you achieved something, or won something. Days when the world is all happy for you, and it's all rosy and golden. But, it's all temporary. Do not rely on it too much because this too shall pass.

> Being an individual with your own ideas and thoughts, you will always face criticism. Criticism for your ideas, for your thoughts, for what you say and what you write, criticism from all directions, your friends, family, teachers. Don't let it get to you. Stand strong for what you believe in. Realize that in the end, those who truly love you will support you no matter what. So stand tall with your head high for what you believe in.

> Learn to take everything in stride. And I mean everything. Things that might mean a lot to you today, a few days, weeks, months or years might lose all importance. So don't prioritize them over your own good. If it is, it is. If it isn't, it isn't. So just lay back and look at life with a lazy eye, it helps!

> Let it go. The resentments, disappointments.., let it all go. It's slow poison, harming only you and hindering your own personal growth. Always be the better person, because ultimately it's your integrity that matters most. Think and achieve self-actualization.

I don't know how many of you can relate to it, but I hope you do. And if you do, I hope it helped put things more in perspective for you.

In the end, all I have to say is lead a life you are proud of. Be good. And stay happy.

Cheers!
-Anj

When a Girl Walks Alone...

Let’s see now, I’m guessing a lot of people especially guys will be offended by this. So here’s a disclaimer for clarification.

Disclaimer: The below written material does not apply to all the men or boys. So please don’t get offended. It is neither intended to cause harm nor any offence.

It all starts one fine day..., actually, many a fine days, or rainy days, or sunny days, in fact any sort of day. Imagine a girl going to college from her hostel, both the gates of her hostel and her college campus hardly 10 meters apart. I might commend here the college for its brilliant thinking in making such an arrangement, so as to minimize the danger; a young college girl might face in the outside world. Of course I am not mentioning the prison-like rules followed in the said college which surprisingly apply only to the girls not the boys of the college. Brilliant, right?! I mean why would girls even want to step out of their hostels (Imagine that!) while of course, boys need to have this freedom. Why, you ask? Well as my college would answer, ‘because they are boys, and we are girls’! Of course, that fundamentally justifies that question. And if you are still not satisfied and continue to insist on receiving answers, fair warning well heeded my friend, they hand out suspensions here for free and with alarming regularity.

Anyhow, this is not my point. Where was I now? Yes, one day (the nature of which has already been clarified before), this girl feeling very secure and content in the military security provided for girls in the college went about her classes. Unfortunately she dared to commit a cardinal sin. Horrors! She walked alone in the campus. What could be a greater sin? As it was, it happened. Walking up a crowded stairs to her next class, all she could do was keep a stony face and walk away. Why? Well, don’t you know? Certain boys in that college felt the need to call out to her, make crude comments bordering on vulgarity, sing songs bordering on the uncouth, obscene and distasteful and insist on keeping a one- sided conversation. The cause of which we might never know. Let’s discuss a few plausible reasons. One, have they been so deprived of the company of the opposite gender, that this is a last resort to get any sort of attention from them? Two, it’s often that a man’s insecurity about his own, ahem, sexuality, or lack thereof, projects out as a social disorder, inclined towards exhibiting it as a social inability to behave as the society requires. (I vote for this reason, as the main cause!). Third, they are uneducated, illiterate animals who simply know no better (But honestly, they are studying in a college after all, so this is not possible.) Fourth, well, quite frankly I can go on degrading and insulting this general class of filth but let’s leave all that to your imaginations.

Now, you, as a person reading this might raise certain issues about the morality of the girl, for example, the way she was dressed. Thankfully, by our University norms on dress code, it’s quite impossible to do so- formal Indian clothes (churidars, suits) with a dupatta pinned to your shoulders. After being covered from head to toe in cloth, the question of improper or provoking dress code is out. I am going to deviate here and mention, no matter how a girl is dressed, she is not asking for it, be it a short dress or a Burkha. She’s not asking for it unless she’s standing in the middle of the road, stark naked, screaming, ‘Rape me, rape me or insult me, insult me’.

Coming back to where we left off, what other possible reasons could you raise justifying this behavior?

This is just one of the few, real incidents that happen here every day in this college and others, a few of the lesser evils, rather. Girls here are continuous victims of eve teasing and up to certain extents, of sexual harassment. And don’t you dare tell me that boys will be boys, or it’s just a bit of fun they had. In that case, I will be forced to call your definition of fun at the expense of insulting the opposite gender, as perverted and twisted. It is morally degrading for a girl to be repeatedly cat-called and teased. Forget the moral aspects; it’s about decency and upbringing. To all these filth out there, your mother, your sister must be so proud indeed, to have a son who doesn’t respect them. Fun fact- did you know under Section 294- Singing, reciting or uttering any obscene song, ballad or words, in or near any public place, (https://aamjanata.com/eve-teasing-under-criminal-law/) is punishable with imprisonment or fine, or both. (To all those men getting offended, please read the disclaimer at the beginning). Above all, this happening in an institution of education, where they are supposed to be educated and develop as professionals, irony, that it’s more like developing into professional, male chauvinistic pigs. My  intentions in writing this was to make people aware, in my college especially so, that despite all the precautions they take, these precautions referring to restricting the girls more and more (because apparently, girls are supposed to be docile, not go out and have fun and stay jailed), is hardly having any affect. In fact, it is only succeeding in suppressing the basic rights of the girl. Do you realise, that after completion they will have to go out into the world? Let’s see how that will go, a girl restricted inside a campus gets placed in a metro city. But, wait for it, here’s the showstopper, she is so freaking afraid to step out of where she lives, because well, for four years that’s what she has been taught, restriction! Instead of developing us as individuals this practice is simply suppressing us. This is just pertaining to the how girls are treated and looked upon by the authorities. They will not speak out, unless you listen! So listen, please.

My other, slightly misguided perhaps, intention, was solely for the benefit of those disgusting boys out there who are the truest form of illiteracy. I hope I have hit a nerve or two, or maybe (preferable so!) all of them. You are, simply put, disgusting creatures, insecure in whom they are and lack any basic social skills. If you think, it is cool to go and behave like that, then think again. No girl out there will ever respect you.

I was going to thank the men out there who know how to behave decently, but guess what?! I realized I am writing this to simply bring out the truth, not to satisfy anyone’s ego. I refuse to feel obliged to thank men for behaving like humans. If you do, then well, good for you! You are a human, nothing less or else, is expected.

Disclaimer: The above article was not written to intentionally hurt someone. Any offence caused is well, honestly, not regretted. If you have any comments, suggestions, any discord of opinions, then kindly do not spam or leave disruptive comments. Just mail me all your hate mail, if you have any, and if you don't receive a reply, well, you probably know why. Anyway, cheers!

Giving up.

Staying Strong

Have you ever cried silently standing in the middle of a crowded bus, yet no one notices ?

Stay strong. Realise 'you' are all you need to survive. Never give up on your principles. Please stay strong.

Sunset Thoughts

The rolling mountains spread out and the sunset between them was a burst of brilliant colours. Mesmerising to look at. The cool wind threw its own occasional and frequent tantrums which made the thundering clouds roll closer. I could sit here forever, I thought, trapped in this moment of time, and be blissfully happy, not wanting anything. I want time to stop, the feeling so strong, that it made me almost choke and then look up quickly and around to see if anyone had noticed.  No one had. Everyone was lost in their own world,  sitting here, just like me to escape from the world for a few moments. We are all heroes of our lives, the main characters, the protagonists. We are all concerned with our lives, our dreams, our hopes, our sadness. But sitting here, sharing this moment with other lonely souls, it didn't feel like it was my life I was living. I wasn't the main character anymore, it didn't matter anymore what I did or thought, it all seemed so mundane, pointless in the bigger picture. I didn't like it, this feeling. It made me feel as though someone took an important part of me or rather my role and told me that its not important, that your actions and thoughts are not everything, that you aren't the main character. And that made me feel sad, because its the truth isn't it?! Even though I hated feeling this way, I couldn't not accept it.

We are all selfish. Its natural. We all have ideals and a certain way of living our lives that we think is right. In the end, does it matter?
Our problems seem so meaningless, but I don't want it to seem that way. Some would say, they are not meaningless, that they matter. Maybe. Maybe not. Right now it seems pointless. Right now, all I am left with is a hope of living a life without regrets, a life of travel, a life of adventure, a life of extremes of emotions, a life of happiness, ..., a full life.

Lessons Learnt: Of friends and foes

#7
When you have friends who readily "throw you to the wolves" (so to speak), you are perhaps better off with your foes. At least that way you are aware of their real intentions.

And this I honestly say from recent experience(s). Its the little things, when you are together, them not taking any responsibility, them letting you take all the blame, them not standing up for you when it counts, them using you as a stepping stone for their personal gains...the small things that one has learnt to notice, the minute details about the way someone behave with you and around others that tell you about that person.

Oh well, writing this down after going through a particularly disappointing experience is a release, and I apologise for sounding so bitter. But I am, feeling this way right now. Disappointed. Betrayed, perhaps. And sad.

But as it turns out, you chose your happiness. So I refuse to let this affect me. I shall be true to myself and try to do my best, regardless of anyone standing by me, even if it is their duty to do so.

And because of that, I will stand with my head held high and proud.

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Decisions.

12th April, 2015
02:34 pm

Loving hurts. So I'll stop now and move on with my life.

Perhaps, it was never meant to be. Just a lesson in my life. Maybe it will be someone else, someday. Or maybe it will be no one. Either way, I will live and I will be happy, even if I have to do so alone.

~Words from the torn page of a secret diary

Quest

#1

Be the support you have to be for others. Help them. Have them lean on you.
But be your own woman. They might not be here when you need them for the same and do not expect them to be either.
You have yourself. You don't need anyone else. Be your own strength. Support yourself. Stay happy.

Empty Thoughts

In the story of our lives, we are all our own heroes and everyone else merely supporting actors and actresses.

Humans are inherently selfish. We all want what we want. Its a tragic thought, isn't it. Makes one wonder, who will remain when we need them the most.

Oh..., what wouldn't I give to know that I have that one person who will always be there!

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Confusion

Today I woke up in the morning feeling awful. Awful, depressed, upset with no strength or motivation to get myself to college. As though on automatic, I got up and prepared for college. I was a robot. My face must have showed signs, because my friend on the way asked if I was okay, to which I automatically replied, 'Fine, just sleepy'. Scary how easily these lies come to me now.

Pic Courtesy

This was not the worse part. The worst part was I didn't know why. Maybe it was the phone call I had with my parents last night, or the status of my life, or the effect of a combined ennui borne out of studies, work and the stress from them. I honestly didn't know why. The whole morning I kept wondering and wishing myself out of this state. Having two classes in the morning had become a chore. As I sat through class, I called on God as my last hope. I'm serious, I did. I asked Him to show me a sign, anything, or get me out of the next class...anyhow, somehow, by any means plausible. I was desperate. It didn't work out. 

After two hours of agony, I rushed back to my room. Distraction. That's what I needed. Next thing I knew I was neck deep in work. It helped me forget. Lunch came and went. Skipping lunches was a usual. And the noon session of college soon started. 

And the day is now at an end. My mood progressively did become better as the day progressed, but it’s still not completely healed yet. I still feel upset. I still feel like I'm suffocating and that I'm stuck. Like I've fallen down into a deep dark chasm where all I see is the distant pin prick of light that the rest of the world dwells in, but somehow cannot ever be somewhere where I will ever live.

Woolgathering: A Wish Untold

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

~ A quote I read somewhere

Quest: Finding Yourself

#1
When they ask you what's wrong, put a smile on your face, look at them ask them what they mean. Say you're fine and then make a joke or change the topic.

It works...always.

#StayStrong
#Don'tGiveUp

Lessons Learnt: Words of Encouragement

Its amazing how when you are upset or slowly crumbling, its always the people at the edge of your world who come forward and ask you,  'What happened? '. They are the beautiful people in your life who blend into the background and come forward only to open up a shard of brightness in your world. They are your silent and sincere guardian angels.

And it is equally remarkable to see that the people you thought you were close to fail to see the hurt behind the fake smiles and laughter.

#6

And through all this you realise, you are a victim of your own minds.
You make your own happiness. You don't have to depend on others for it. It is your life. You have to make of it what you will. For you only get one chance at this life.

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Page 2:

ALONE

Forming any sort of emotional attachments has never been my cup of tea. And I do mean never. Somehow, they always seem to end in tears, hurt and pain. Always. It’s not something I can admit easily, rather quite the opposite. It is a sorry condition to be in, quite pathetic actually, and its a veritable hit to my ego to admit it. So as an act of rebelliousness?...arrogance?...or simply self-preservation, I shy away from any sort of emotional attachments. It’s automatic. The moment someone even tries to become close, warning bells go off in my head. And then I end up feeling guilty over not being the kind of person they want me to be.

Pic Courtesy (Click Here!)

I had a friend. Yes, ‘had’ one. He was...amazing! He was someone who would call you, just to make you laugh, would know without you saying a word when you were upset, would guess when silent tears started rolling down your cheeks, ask you your favourite colour and remember it for a lifetime and watch out for you, no matter where you go. He was...everything a girl could ask for and more. And no matter how much he tried, I kept pushing him away, build these walls around my heart, impenetrable and high, that no one could ever or would ever bother taking the effort to jump over. It’s not remorse over losing a prospective admirer, but rather regret over losing a true friend. I suppose that’s all one is left with in the end...Regrets! It’s a heavy burden to carry over, knowing that you are capable of destroying any meaningful relation you could ever have. I have hope though, that these walls still have cracks in them, cracks which I can occasionally get glimpses of when I get hurt, hurt by an action or a word, proof that there is still a beating heart capable of feeling emotions that have been repressed for years. Sometime during these epiphanic revelations, I finally realize something. I realize that out there in the big bad world, I stand completely alone, and that...that is what scares me the most.

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

A Valentine's Day Hope

It hurt too much to think about it. Why is it so upsetting? Why do I let it affect me so much? The questions were a storm in my head, a turmoil of thoughts, possibilities and hopes. It's Valentine's Day. And this is how I feel when my crush hasn't wished me today. It's almost noon now...and he hasn't texted me once. I refuse to text him first on principle. It would make me seem desperate. So I won't. I know it's silly, but I refuse to budge. So all I'm left with is stalking his "last seen" and checking his "status" every now and then. Oh...his last seen was two minutes ago! Okay I have to stop acting like this-a silly, lovesick schoolgirl. I refuse to be stereotyped as one of "those girls". I have work to do anyway, important work, which I should be getting back to.

Ten Minutes later...

Maybe I should text him. He's probably busy with something important. "Ugghhhh....”, I feel so frustrated. He's online too! You know what; I refuse to be so affected because of a guy. He probably thinks he's all Mr. Cool anyway. The jerk! 

Where was I now...yes...I have mails to send!

Thirty Minutes later...

I open my whatsapp, check his 'last seen', close my whatsapp and slam my phone down in frustration. Then I proceed to wince and check my phone for damages. "Phew...", none thankfully.

I have to stop acting like such a pathetic love-sick puppy. When did I become like this? Unbelievable...! Buck up girl! You don't need someone like this.

Three Minutes later...

My phone buzzes. My hand automatically reached for it and opens it. "Ahhhhhhh....", okay it's him! Two messages! Wait...don't open the message, I don't want to seem too eager or desperate. Okay...calm down! Let him see you online for a while; let him think that he is not the priority in your life. That should show him. Hah!

Okay, open it now.

 "Hey"

"Happy Valentine's Day"

Oh my God!!! He is so sweet. A wide grin breaks out over my face and my hand become jelly in an effort to type out a reply. My heart is all warm and fuzzy, just because of a simple text. In some corner of my mind, a very distant, remote corner, I realize how stupid I'm being. But you see..."the heart wants what it wants". And life is all happy, glittery and full of fairy-tale happy endings again!

Author's note:

I personally find the whole episode funny. It's my tribute for Valentine's Day. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! May you find love everlasting!

But on a more serious note, this is what actually happens when a girl has a serious (sorta!) crush. Okay maybe not for all, but this is exactly how I would behave. And yes, girls can be very silly and stupid when it comes to serious crushes (I'm not stereotyping people, exceptions are always there. This is at least how I would behave!).  For my part, I know I can be pretty stupid when it comes to crushes (Don't ask me, I'll never bother telling!). I honestly cannot help it!

So that's one page filled!

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman

Page 1:
The idea had been swirling in mind for quite some time now. I sit here now, to pen down(or rather type down!) this young seed, listening to beautiful duet between the piano and the violin of Chopin's Ave Maria.


I'd like to think that life has been good to me. The thought scares me, is there worse to come? I've been blessed in all that I have, wonderful and loving parents, a cool brother, and people I can call friends. Don't get me wrong! I'm not writing this after passing a particularly happy day of my life, in-fact, it makes me proud to say that I can still write this even while going through some of the worst days of my life. I do have a ton of worries to stress about, just like everyone else; I am after all still a nineteen year old girl trying to decipher life and her purpose in life. Okay, that just made me sound too...philosophical?...old?...a bumptious, overbearing, officious person who thinks too much and uses extravagant words and phrases to describe something mundane?

Oh well! We are humans, and that fact accords us the benefit of freedom of thought. There's nothing I can do about it!(Freedom of Speech, Thought, Opinions- Kudos to you if you support it! I already like you!)*Freedom of the Mind*

Just like everyone else, I think of myself (to each his own folks, you are the hero of your life) as the protagonist of my life. Maybe an oddball protagonist, born some years ahead of her time. I live in India, and having such open views on controversial and ignored topics like, rights of women(Yes, I am a feminist!), religion, marriage and authority, I assure you, based on personal experience can be a demotivating and harrowing experience. I have started to lose faith in humanity. “Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”- Leonardo Da Vinci. But, hope springs eternal (story of my life!).

Alright, what I'm all about-

I love reading and writing!

Principles, honor, chivalry, gallantry...stand in high regard in front of me.

I am a feminist! (Women's Rights!!! And I refuse to be ashamed or be labelled stereotypes because of my beliefs.) Hater's keep on hating (Maybe I should write a disclaimer?!)

I believe in God, just not in religion.( Do I need a Disclaimer?!) If anyone wants to debate, you are always free to contact me. 

I have strong political and moral views.(Anyone up for a debate?)

My outlook on socially unacceptable topics is controversial, and definitely shouldn't belong to a woman (so I've been told!).

I love dark chocolate and pizzas (Random! I know.)

There's a reason why I don't like watching tragic movies. 

I might...could...maybe...be a hopeless romantic!(I shall never admit that again!)

And the list goes on...

In a nutshell, I'm just like you, or your friend or your enemy, a human! I have feelings just like you do, some likes and dislikes, just like you, but maybe not the same, but that's because we are two different individuals.

So that summarizes it!

Pic Courtesy: Click Here!

Pages: Diary of a Young Woman is a chronicle of the thoughts, experiences, changes, insecurities, emotions and life of a typical young girl on the verge of adulthood living in India. What affects her, how it affects her, what she goes through from the perspective of a young woman coming to know life (Yep, that's me folks!).

Coming to the end, and the highlight of this long narrative.




These pages mean a lot to me, form essentially a part of my thoughts; it’s a part of being who I am. In these pages, I hope to find meaning and make sense of the turmoil I live amidst at the same time. And to help someone, perhaps in my own my little way, bring changes in their lives, influence them in some of the millions of little ways possible. To make a little difference in someone's life!

A Modern Lovestory

Once upon a time (well..actually now!), there was a boy and a girl. Yes, yes we all know where this is heading. The boy started liking the girl (I know, clichéd!) or wait...is it the other way round?! It was the girl that started liking the boy..., it hardly matters anyway. For days they teased and played around what was obviously becoming more than just friendship. Oh, and the constant teasing of their friends and their insistence on being ‘just friends’, just made it so not obvious! Pretty soon, texts were exchanged, and so were furtive glances. Innocently chatted texts extended late into the night, leaving both the concerned parties bleary eyed, but filled with excitement and anticipation of another night yet to come. And so on and so forth...you know the usual! Well, simply in the interest of the vast patience of the audience, I shall put forth the unexpected climax to the little story (not!).

One fine day, the boy woke up with eyes that shone of love never ending, a fist of determination in his heart, a crazy light in his eye and of course his heart in his throat...uhh...I mean his heart in his hands and lifted his phone. And the proposal followed. Unexpected right?! On the other end of this signal that transferred from the phone we have the girl, who promptly opened the text. This action was followed by a lot of excited squeals, giggles from somehow more than one girl?!! A quick emergency discussion, a lot of shushing and whispering later, four girls sat down to type...’Yes’.

And now...? Oh they are living a life of bliss, or so I've been told. We unfortunately, live in a place where talking late into the night over the phone is considered dating. Meeting face to face? Oh that’s just so....overrated!  God forbid they meet! Horrors!! What would they say to each other?! But of course talking over the phone is way easier.

And then my friends, they lived happily ever after (well presently they are, that is until their parents find out or ahem...other such forces of nature!).

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Disclaimer:

The above story was written simply for entertainment purposes and not intended to cause harm or offense to anyone. The characters in the story are purely fictional and not based on any real life character (Well...basically it’s the story of the Indian youth, so...<no comments>). Any offense caused is severely regretted.

Peace!

*The story was written on the request of a friend. Well, the friend actually asked me to write a love story but I find myself incapable of writing about love without being cynical or sarcastic. So, dear audience (or the lack thereof!) and friend, you will have to make do with this. Cheers!

Also, it behooves me to mention that yes... I broke my New Year resolution of writing my blog at least two times a week on the very first week of this year. Part of it was my fault, while the other part I honestly do blame my hectic schedule and some personal issues for that. Anyhow, it’s another one of my lessons learnt! Prioritize and manage! I can’t completely not take the blame either (Confusing sentence right!).  Anyhow, hope springs eternal, so I shall persevere in my endurance to stick to my already broken new year’s resolution.

Having said that, it's the season of love everyone. For all those couples out there, have the best time of your life you all! And if you are single like me, well folks, there's always next year! I'm kidding! We need single people in this world, or imagine how boring it would be. You guys rock!

Cheerio!

Pain

25 DECEMBER 2014, 22:51
My mom handed me the glass of warm water to drink. It was 3 degrees outside and I was wrapped in three layers of clothing and sitting in front of the heater. She said something in the authoritative tone that mothers assume when commanding their will to be done, something I paid the least bit of perfunctory attention to. I took one sip and put it right back on the table. And the next thing I knew, there was spilt water everywhere. And then the scolding..."I told you not to put it back on the table...I was going to put my head down for a bit" I stared silently at the mini tsunami drenching the dining table and the south side. "I knew this would happen", as always mothers were always right, somehow they always seemed blessed with this extra sense of being able to say 'i told you so!'. I was still staring silently...trying to make sense...until suddenly I burst out laughing...not the subtle, lilting or even graceful laugh of a lady's, but a full blown laugh with tears streaming down my face. I laughed so hard that my dear mother, so bent on driving the "I told you so" point home, faltered in her endeavour, and tried unsuccessfully to hide the smile blooming across her face. In a last attempt at maintaining some sense of authority she hurried to fetch a cloth to wipe the semi disaster area. I didn't know when my tears of laughter changed, changed to those of crying. In hindsight, I'm tempted to label them traitorous. I couldn't control it. I took the momentary absence of anyone near enough to notice the sudden change and escaped to my room, where I let them flow freely. Heavy sobs wracked my body, as I put a hand over my mouth to not be heard. I didn't understand why. Have I been so unsatisfied with my life? Or is it this feeling of standing up alone in this world, that made me cry so wantonly, with so much abandon. But as always, one thing remained the same, I was alone when it happened, during it and afterwards. And that is what should make the difference.