Pain

25 DECEMBER 2014, 22:51
My mom handed me the glass of warm water to drink. It was 3 degrees outside and I was wrapped in three layers of clothing and sitting in front of the heater. She said something in the authoritative tone that mothers assume when commanding their will to be done, something I paid the least bit of perfunctory attention to. I took one sip and put it right back on the table. And the next thing I knew, there was spilt water everywhere. And then the scolding..."I told you not to put it back on the table...I was going to put my head down for a bit" I stared silently at the mini tsunami drenching the dining table and the south side. "I knew this would happen", as always mothers were always right, somehow they always seemed blessed with this extra sense of being able to say 'i told you so!'. I was still staring silently...trying to make sense...until suddenly I burst out laughing...not the subtle, lilting or even graceful laugh of a lady's, but a full blown laugh with tears streaming down my face. I laughed so hard that my dear mother, so bent on driving the "I told you so" point home, faltered in her endeavour, and tried unsuccessfully to hide the smile blooming across her face. In a last attempt at maintaining some sense of authority she hurried to fetch a cloth to wipe the semi disaster area. I didn't know when my tears of laughter changed, changed to those of crying. In hindsight, I'm tempted to label them traitorous. I couldn't control it. I took the momentary absence of anyone near enough to notice the sudden change and escaped to my room, where I let them flow freely. Heavy sobs wracked my body, as I put a hand over my mouth to not be heard. I didn't understand why. Have I been so unsatisfied with my life? Or is it this feeling of standing up alone in this world, that made me cry so wantonly, with so much abandon. But as always, one thing remained the same, I was alone when it happened, during it and afterwards. And that is what should make the difference.